I'm anxious to meet my little girl, but now I know...
"Inside babies" are much easier to take care of than outside ones.
These last few hours and days with just my treasured Alyssa are very precious.
The unknown (about labor, about the health of the baby, about who this new little person is) is scary, but it's also a gift.
Most women are much more uncomfortable than I am this late in the game. So thankful to not be dealing with gestational diabetes or PUPPS or anything like that.
Stretch marks do fade and they are not a big deal to me anyway. Really.
I am tired, but it's really nothing compared to the fatigue I will be feeling soon.
I can give birth naturally. I am strong enough physically and emotionally. I've done it before, and I believe I can do it again.
I'm proud of myself that I can still bend over and give Alyssa baths...I can still reach the kitchen sink and do the dishes around my belly...I am staying on top of the laundry and ironing and shopping and cleaning and (usually) cooking...I can even do Alyssa's beginning ballet video with her (minus the jumping!).
Pregnancy is almost over. (Two and a half weeks at the longest, really. I don't want to go to the hospital or to be induced, but I would be doing both at 42 weeks probably.)
And when the going gets tough (before and after the new baby arrives)--this too shall pass.
Stages and chances
Sorry I haven't posted in a long, long time (over a year). Oy. I think I've been too busy "living" to be busy writing--it's just this stage of life. (I thrive on the fact that everything is a stage--"this too shall pass" helps me appreciate the good things happening and hang on to the hope that the crappy things will be done in time.) I know many people can be fantastic parents with a vibrant blog/job/outlet/etc. on the side, but I am just not that talented.
I wanted to write something quickly before I forgot or got too busy being a parent to TWO children--something to share with those friends whose care and help have been really dear to me, especially when I was going through some very dark days in the last year or two. I feel like I am in a bit of a dark time right now, too (my parents are both going through major health problems; a few people I was close to have drifted away; among other things), but I'm also really excited and happy that my new baby girl will be arriving any time now.
When I miscarried last year, some friends of ours gave us a beautiful red orange rosebush. We planted it near our front door. It flowered last summer and was just beautiful and really fragrant. We had a late start to summer this year and the bush only bloomed once and had only a few roses on it. I was kind of disappointed, but not too surprised. But we've had a really warm August and September, and this last week, the rosebush bloomed again. There's nothing mystical about all this really--it just somehow makes me feel like things are right in the world and it's okay to bring a new baby into it, in spite of the recession and my family's problems and the pain I went through losing a baby last year. It feels like I'm getting another chance at joy.
I'm really grateful for that chance.
I wanted to write something quickly before I forgot or got too busy being a parent to TWO children--something to share with those friends whose care and help have been really dear to me, especially when I was going through some very dark days in the last year or two. I feel like I am in a bit of a dark time right now, too (my parents are both going through major health problems; a few people I was close to have drifted away; among other things), but I'm also really excited and happy that my new baby girl will be arriving any time now.
When I miscarried last year, some friends of ours gave us a beautiful red orange rosebush. We planted it near our front door. It flowered last summer and was just beautiful and really fragrant. We had a late start to summer this year and the bush only bloomed once and had only a few roses on it. I was kind of disappointed, but not too surprised. But we've had a really warm August and September, and this last week, the rosebush bloomed again. There's nothing mystical about all this really--it just somehow makes me feel like things are right in the world and it's okay to bring a new baby into it, in spite of the recession and my family's problems and the pain I went through losing a baby last year. It feels like I'm getting another chance at joy.
I'm really grateful for that chance.
Thankful
This blog cracked me up and made me a little more thankful, too.
THXTHXTHX
And I am also thankful for the Sookie Stackhouse community board section of the Charlaine Harris website. I haven't made any posts/comments, but just hearing what other people have to say about something you are so enjoying--it's just the coolest thing ever. None of my friends are reading these books, and Jason says he can't handle any more drama in his life, even if it's fiction. :) Did I mention to you that I'm re-reading the books in a random order--they are just too fun.
The babe with her Papaw (who has been gone the last two weeks--about two weeks too long)...
When she wakes up in the middle of the night, she yells: "One more time!" One more raspberry on her belly, one more tickle, one more push on the swing, one more game at Chuck E. Cheese, one more time to play with the train at Barnes & Noble, one more book.
THXTHXTHX
And I am also thankful for the Sookie Stackhouse community board section of the Charlaine Harris website. I haven't made any posts/comments, but just hearing what other people have to say about something you are so enjoying--it's just the coolest thing ever. None of my friends are reading these books, and Jason says he can't handle any more drama in his life, even if it's fiction. :) Did I mention to you that I'm re-reading the books in a random order--they are just too fun.
The babe with her Papaw (who has been gone the last two weeks--about two weeks too long)...
When she wakes up in the middle of the night, she yells: "One more time!" One more raspberry on her belly, one more tickle, one more push on the swing, one more game at Chuck E. Cheese, one more time to play with the train at Barnes & Noble, one more book.
Little victories
Today was a really, really nice day.
Alyssa slept in. I read a novel in bed this morning. It was so relaxing. That is heaven to me--waking up, finding a good book by the bed, and reading.
Alyssa also ate a bunch of food today without me nagging her. She just kept going back for more!
The day was cool and sunny and breezy. Just perfect. So nice after a few days of very hot temps (hot for us, anyway).
I got to see my mom and share some of the things I was learning from "Women Who Run With Wolves." My mom brought some elastics to put in A's hair, and we put her hair up in pigtails. She looks so amazingly grown up with her hair like that. Like a little girl. She's not a baby anymore.
Mom also brought over some pull-ups and big girl underwear for Alyssa. After A peed on my leg, without even recognizing that she (and I) was wet, we decided we'd try again another day. Ha.
I'm re-reading one of my favorite Sookie books, All Together Dead. There are a few parts that made me laugh out loud.
Regarding WWRWW...
I think for a long time, I was grieving some losses, and I just felt cynical about life. Like, even on the sunny days, I couldn't enjoy them because they would remind me that it's gonna get cloudy come September. Like the beautiful flowers all around me were just going to make my allergies flare up. Everything was bittersweet, with the emphasis on bitter.
I almost felt like, Hey, I'm not a kid anymore. I can't enjoy life the way a child does. Too many bad things have happened. Things are too complex.
But I'm realizing that those moments in the sun, those moments among the flowers...those are times that restore my spirit. And I need to make restoring my spirit a priority.
That's why I need time alone sometimes. It's not that I don't love my family or child or that I can't stand to be with them any longer or anything like that. I just need to restore my spirit with time to just BE. And that's why I need time with my close girlfriends. They nurture me, and hopefully I nurture them, too.
It has been good to read WWRWW and see that I'm not the only woman like this--and that women through the centuries have sought time (alone and with friends, lovers, children, nature, etc.) to nurture their souls.
Learning much more from the book, but it's all too much for one blog post. Thanks, Aola, for recommending it to me.
Alyssa slept in. I read a novel in bed this morning. It was so relaxing. That is heaven to me--waking up, finding a good book by the bed, and reading.
Alyssa also ate a bunch of food today without me nagging her. She just kept going back for more!
The day was cool and sunny and breezy. Just perfect. So nice after a few days of very hot temps (hot for us, anyway).
I got to see my mom and share some of the things I was learning from "Women Who Run With Wolves." My mom brought some elastics to put in A's hair, and we put her hair up in pigtails. She looks so amazingly grown up with her hair like that. Like a little girl. She's not a baby anymore.
Mom also brought over some pull-ups and big girl underwear for Alyssa. After A peed on my leg, without even recognizing that she (and I) was wet, we decided we'd try again another day. Ha.
I'm re-reading one of my favorite Sookie books, All Together Dead. There are a few parts that made me laugh out loud.
Regarding WWRWW...
I think for a long time, I was grieving some losses, and I just felt cynical about life. Like, even on the sunny days, I couldn't enjoy them because they would remind me that it's gonna get cloudy come September. Like the beautiful flowers all around me were just going to make my allergies flare up. Everything was bittersweet, with the emphasis on bitter.
I almost felt like, Hey, I'm not a kid anymore. I can't enjoy life the way a child does. Too many bad things have happened. Things are too complex.
But I'm realizing that those moments in the sun, those moments among the flowers...those are times that restore my spirit. And I need to make restoring my spirit a priority.
That's why I need time alone sometimes. It's not that I don't love my family or child or that I can't stand to be with them any longer or anything like that. I just need to restore my spirit with time to just BE. And that's why I need time with my close girlfriends. They nurture me, and hopefully I nurture them, too.
It has been good to read WWRWW and see that I'm not the only woman like this--and that women through the centuries have sought time (alone and with friends, lovers, children, nature, etc.) to nurture their souls.
Learning much more from the book, but it's all too much for one blog post. Thanks, Aola, for recommending it to me.
Fan letters
Have you ever written a fan letter?
I suppose one more advantage of the internet--it makes the people we admire more accessible to us than ever. (Although I'm sure many of these people, the ones who don't completely make their living off of being famous, would disagree.)
I tend to believe that you should say something if you mean it. If you love someone, you should just say it and not feel ashamed. You should say sorry if you can, even if it's been a long time after the fact. (That's one I struggle with though. Sometimes I'm not sure if I should bring something up.) But these all involve "normal" people--and people I know.
I feel embarrassed writing a fan letter, but I'm tempted to do it anyway, because the person I want to send it to is sick. He has cancer. I want him to know what his work (he's an author) has meant to me. I feel like I'll regret it if I don't send it. But I feel kind of ridiculous doing it, too. Certainly this guy has more important people to see and things to do. He may never even read it.
I think I'll send it anyway.
I suppose one more advantage of the internet--it makes the people we admire more accessible to us than ever. (Although I'm sure many of these people, the ones who don't completely make their living off of being famous, would disagree.)
I tend to believe that you should say something if you mean it. If you love someone, you should just say it and not feel ashamed. You should say sorry if you can, even if it's been a long time after the fact. (That's one I struggle with though. Sometimes I'm not sure if I should bring something up.) But these all involve "normal" people--and people I know.
I feel embarrassed writing a fan letter, but I'm tempted to do it anyway, because the person I want to send it to is sick. He has cancer. I want him to know what his work (he's an author) has meant to me. I feel like I'll regret it if I don't send it. But I feel kind of ridiculous doing it, too. Certainly this guy has more important people to see and things to do. He may never even read it.
I think I'll send it anyway.
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