Seriously Kristen

What I know now

2011-09-23T09:50:00.000-07:00

I'm anxious to meet my little girl, but now I know...

"Inside babies" are much easier to take care of than outside ones.

These last few hours and days with just my treasured Alyssa are very precious.

The unknown (about labor, about the health of the baby, about who this new little person is) is scary, but it's also a gift.

Most women are much more uncomfortable than I am this late in the game. So thankful to not be dealing with gestational diabetes or PUPPS or anything like that.

Stretch marks do fade and they are not a big deal to me anyway. Really.

I am tired, but it's really nothing compared to the fatigue I will be feeling soon.

I can give birth naturally. I am strong enough physically and emotionally. I've done it before, and I believe I can do it again.

I'm proud of myself that I can still bend over and give Alyssa baths...I can still reach the kitchen sink and do the dishes around my belly...I am staying on top of the laundry and ironing and shopping and cleaning and (usually) cooking...I can even do Alyssa's beginning ballet video with her (minus the jumping!).

Pregnancy is almost over. (Two and a half weeks at the longest, really. I don't want to go to the hospital or to be induced, but I would be doing both at 42 weeks probably.)

And when the going gets tough (before and after the new baby arrives)--this too shall pass.

Stages and chances

2011-09-11T23:12:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't posted in a long, long time (over a year). Oy. I think I've been too busy "living" to be busy writing--it's just this stage of life. (I thrive on the fact that everything is a stage--"this too shall pass" helps me appreciate the good things happening and hang on to the hope that the crappy things will be done in time.) I know many people can be fantastic parents with a vibrant blog/job/outlet/etc. on the side, but I am just not that talented.

I wanted to write something quickly before I forgot or got too busy being a parent to TWO children--something to share with those friends whose care and help have been really dear to me, especially when I was going through some very dark days in the last year or two. I feel like I am in a bit of a dark time right now, too (my parents are both going through major health problems; a few people I was close to have drifted away; among other things), but I'm also really excited and happy that my new baby girl will be arriving any time now.

When I miscarried last year, some friends of ours gave us a beautiful red orange rosebush. We planted it near our front door. It flowered last summer and was just beautiful and really fragrant. We had a late start to summer this year and the bush only bloomed once and had only a few roses on it. I was kind of disappointed, but not too surprised. But we've had a really warm August and September, and this last week, the rosebush bloomed again. There's nothing mystical about all this really--it just somehow makes me feel like things are right in the world and it's okay to bring a new baby into it, in spite of the recession and my family's problems and the pain I went through losing a baby last year. It feels like I'm getting another chance at joy.

I'm really grateful for that chance.

Thankful

2010-09-06T22:14:00.000-07:00

This blog cracked me up and made me a little more thankful, too.

THXTHXTHX

And I am also thankful for the Sookie Stackhouse community board section of the Charlaine Harris website. I haven't made any posts/comments, but just hearing what other people have to say about something you are so enjoying--it's just the coolest thing ever. None of my friends are reading these books, and Jason says he can't handle any more drama in his life, even if it's fiction. :) Did I mention to you that I'm re-reading the books in a random order--they are just too fun.

The babe with her Papaw (who has been gone the last two weeks--about two weeks too long)...

When she wakes up in the middle of the night, she yells: "One more time!" One more raspberry on her belly, one more tickle, one more push on the swing, one more game at Chuck E. Cheese, one more time to play with the train at Barnes & Noble, one more book.

Little victories

2010-08-19T21:38:00.000-07:00

Today was a really, really nice day.

Alyssa slept in. I read a novel in bed this morning. It was so relaxing. That is heaven to me--waking up, finding a good book by the bed, and reading.

Alyssa also ate a bunch of food today without me nagging her. She just kept going back for more!

The day was cool and sunny and breezy. Just perfect. So nice after a few days of very hot temps (hot for us, anyway).

I got to see my mom and share some of the things I was learning from "Women Who Run With Wolves." My mom brought some elastics to put in A's hair, and we put her hair up in pigtails. She looks so amazingly grown up with her hair like that. Like a little girl. She's not a baby anymore.

Mom also brought over some pull-ups and big girl underwear for Alyssa. After A peed on my leg, without even recognizing that she (and I) was wet, we decided we'd try again another day. Ha.

I'm re-reading one of my favorite Sookie books, All Together Dead. There are a few parts that made me laugh out loud.

Regarding WWRWW...

I think for a long time, I was grieving some losses, and I just felt cynical about life. Like, even on the sunny days, I couldn't enjoy them because they would remind me that it's gonna get cloudy come September. Like the beautiful flowers all around me were just going to make my allergies flare up. Everything was bittersweet, with the emphasis on bitter.

I almost felt like, Hey, I'm not a kid anymore. I can't enjoy life the way a child does. Too many bad things have happened. Things are too complex.

But I'm realizing that those moments in the sun, those moments among the flowers...those are times that restore my spirit. And I need to make restoring my spirit a priority.

That's why I need time alone sometimes. It's not that I don't love my family or child or that I can't stand to be with them any longer or anything like that. I just need to restore my spirit with time to just BE. And that's why I need time with my close girlfriends. They nurture me, and hopefully I nurture them, too.

It has been good to read WWRWW and see that I'm not the only woman like this--and that women through the centuries have sought time (alone and with friends, lovers, children, nature, etc.) to nurture their souls.

Learning much more from the book, but it's all too much for one blog post. Thanks, Aola, for recommending it to me.

Fan letters

2010-08-15T19:42:00.000-07:00

Have you ever written a fan letter?

I suppose one more advantage of the internet--it makes the people we admire more accessible to us than ever. (Although I'm sure many of these people, the ones who don't completely make their living off of being famous, would disagree.)

I tend to believe that you should say something if you mean it. If you love someone, you should just say it and not feel ashamed. You should say sorry if you can, even if it's been a long time after the fact. (That's one I struggle with though. Sometimes I'm not sure if I should bring something up.) But these all involve "normal" people--and people I know.

I feel embarrassed writing a fan letter, but I'm tempted to do it anyway, because the person I want to send it to is sick. He has cancer. I want him to know what his work (he's an author) has meant to me. I feel like I'll regret it if I don't send it. But I feel kind of ridiculous doing it, too. Certainly this guy has more important people to see and things to do. He may never even read it.

I think I'll send it anyway.

Beauty

2010-08-10T22:57:00.000-07:00

I think beauty is subjective. (Or perhaps the determination of what is beautiful is subjective.) It's personal. I mean, I think we all agree with this. We allow for different tastes in our personal style and in our different cultures and in the people to which we are attracted.

We all agree that our child or grandchild is without a doubt the most beautiful creature on earth--they are to us, anyway. Every little expression, every little eyelash, every freckle is precious.

(One of my favorites of A--taken several months ago, wearing Mama's hat. Her pug nose kills me.)

And the way we feel about a person makes them more (or less) beautiful to us, too. Jason is the most attractive person I know--any day of the week--because he is mine and I am his. I can always see the beauty in the people I am closest to and love.

And doesn't it just take the attractiveness away from a celebrity when you know s/he's a jerk in real life? Remember when Mel Gibson was a heartthrob? I rest my case.

Anyway--beauty is subjective.

And since it is, why not just choose to find yourself beautiful...no matter what other people may find attractive. My values and what I find beautiful are different from yours and everyone else's, and that is okay.

I'm not supposed to think my eyes are a pretty shade of blue-gray with dark, long lashes. They aren't perfectly symmetrical--and without mascara, the lashes aren't long enough.

I'm not supposed to think my lips are beautifully shaped with a perfect cupid's bow. They are too small.

I'm not supposed to think my shape is fine. I'm too big and curvy.

I'm not supposed to think my hair is a beautiful color. I'm supposed to dye it constantly.

I'm not supposed to think my skin is pretty. I need anti-aging serums and anti-cellulite creams.

To hell with all that.

I'm getting really tired of people telling me that completely NORMAL things (like wrinkles and cellulite and a little extra padding) are REAL, BIG PROBLEMS THAT I NEED TO FIX. I seriously feel like these are made-up issues to sell products and magazines (that don't really work anyway).

To hell with all that, too.

You may not think I'm beautiful, but I think I am. Or at least I'm trying to, a little more every day. And my opinion is pretty much the only one that matters in this case.

Seasoning

2010-08-08T23:38:00.000-07:00

Isn't it funny how our tastes change throughout the seasons?

I rarely crave a watermelon in December. It's all about cinnamon and peppermint then. Peppermint just sounds icky to me at the moment. But when I start smelling those leaves--and the fall air gets crisp and bright--I want pumpkin pie and butternut squash soup.

My fashion choices change a little, too. Spring turns me into a lady who lunches in florals and dainty heels. Summer makes me feel kind of California Girl in jeans and tanks and sandals. Fall makes me crave plaid and boots and prairie skirts.

I'm not ready for fall yet (we had a very late start to summer this year), but at least there will be cute clothes waiting when the time is right.

Today

2010-08-06T20:38:00.000-07:00

My dad told me I was beautiful.

Not because I was having a bad day or was fishing for a compliment or was dressed extra special. He was just looking through some pictures we just had developed and said it simply and spontaneously.

(When I looked at the picture earlier, I just saw big pores and coffee-stained teeth. And my own gorgeous daughter.)

I had to look away for a while because of the tears in my eyes; I couldn't even choke out a thank-you. It just felt so good to hear my father say that.

Wouldn't it be good--wouldn't it be revolutionary--if every father could say that to his daughter once in a while?

A kick in the butt update

2010-08-03T15:39:00.001-07:00

I'm not sure I can keep this up (my schedule is sort of inconsistent), but I got the push from my dear blog friends so here goes...

(Where to start, where to start, she mutters.)

The important things first:

I am in love with my husband. Still. He has been working and traveling so much lately and doing so many amazing things in our state. It really makes a difference to have a husband who loves his job. And Jason does. He has also made our yard feel like a little private park and garden (very British, if you ask me). It is absolutely gorgeous, a little oasis. The gladiolas and snapdragons have been my favorite this year, along with a fiery orange and red rose bush some friends gave to us this year.

I love my job, too, on most days. I joke that when you don't have a real job, you don't have a real vacation either, but I think that's just the life of a parent, right? (Or perhaps life, period?) I am lucky to have a husband who understands my need for alone time and out-of-the-house time and go-away-I-just-want-to-hang-out-with-a-girl (usually Missi) time. My parents watch Alyssa while J and I go on dates, and for an hour here or there when "Mommy needs a timeout."

Alyssa is still my sweet, shy, sensitive girl, but she's starting to get a more independent personality every day. "Heck no, I don't want to wear pants today!" Some days are longer than others. She's a good sleeper and napper now and she loves to play in her wading pool, go on walks, pick flowers, and read. She tells me stories (things from her books and cartoons) and has started expressing opinions with words, like "That was fun!" It amazes me when she does that. She has started singing a lot now, too, and it is delightful. One of her favorite songs is "I like balloons" which my dad made up for her on the fly one day. (My dad loves to sing, especially silly nonsense songs.) She's still not a great eater, and she's in a tough tantrum-throwing stage, but that's expected, right? She is two, after all.

I didn't talk about this (except in a cryptic way perhaps) on the blog, but this week would have been the week I had the baby I lost at the end of January. That has been sad and hard. Every once in a while the horror and despair of it all washes over me again and I cry for a while. I have experienced many griefs in my life (I don't mean that to sound melodramatic; I've just been exposed to a lot of death), and I am quite comfortable in a sense with accepting death and grief. This is one loss I'm not certain I'll ever "get over." I think it's just something you work with every day, like a limb that was once broken and still gets achy in the cold.

With the due date of this baby being reached, I feel like, mentally, I can think about having another child. I am actually completely contented only having one child, but Jason would like to have more, and I know that Alyssa will be happy (hopefully, probably) to have a sibling some day. It has sort of been a cost-benefit analysis equation for me: would it be worse to not have another one or worse to have another one? Few people (in stable relationships and who can afford it--and even those who aren't) regret having a child, and I know I'll be as crazy about the next baby as I am about Alyssa. I am seeking inspiration from my friends with multiple children who somehow manage to keep their chins up and their families fed.

I think one of the main things that has kept me from blogging much is that I have so many friends and family going through incredibly difficult times in their marriages. Several are on the road to divorce--others are just extremely unhappy. It is hard to think about writing or even updating FB when so many people I love are hurting so much.

But I'll try to write a little more if I can.

On a lighter note, I've been reading the delightfully distracting Sookie Stackhouse books by Charlaine Harris (Oh, to have HBO so I could watch True Blood--then life would truly be complete), and we recently got a Netflix subscription--that oughta keep me busy for months. :) J is watching as many Futurama movies and truly awful sci-fi shows as he can stomach, and I'm watching all those boring British dramas where nothing happens but a meaningful look between the two love leads. I've also had a lot of luck thrifting lately--finding really neat things for Alyssa, some pretty jackets and coats for fall (99-cent days are my friend!), and a few books here and there. I recently bought a book of English poetry (Byron, Keats and Shelley)--everyone I know who is really smart and cool likes poetry, including my favorite, Christopher Hitchens, so I'm trying to like it, too. :) We'll see what happens.

Thanks for all your updates, gals. Smooches.

A new bag obsession

2010-04-19T22:42:00.000-07:00

Really pretty, huh?
And this is just about perfect.Is this not a beautiful messenger bag? Go see even better pictures here or at Moore & Giles.

If you know me...

2010-04-15T22:49:00.000-07:00

...then you know this dress is so me. Ugh, I want to be this girl, drinking a late afternoon cappuccino.

Better yet, meeting Christopher Hitchens for a late afternoon cognac. To discuss his new memoir coming out in June. The one I already have on reserve at the library--first one to reserve it. Ha. And it's my amazon wishlist. Oy.

Love the contrasting shoe, too.

In other news, wearing a dress is getting easier...because the baby is being weaned. No more separates. She is not protesting. She has gone to bed twice without the few minutes of nursing we used to do. Not a peep on this second night, and only about 60 seconds of shouting the first. Can't believe my little girl is growing up. She might be ready for the nursing to end, but am I? Hmmm, if it means pretty dresses, maybe.

A thought

2010-04-15T21:04:00.000-07:00

A few days ago, I was sort of grumbling a little to myself while cooking. Cooking is not my favorite chore. I hate doing all the work before and after for about five minutes of eating. And now that I feed a poky, picky toddler, I hardly ever get to enjoy a warm meal since I'm shoveling food in her mouth at suppertime, begging her to eat.

I am just now starting to enjoy cooking a little. (Note: I love baking--sweet treats are my fave. And I love being able to clean up the kitchen while something is baking so I can just enjoy the food without having all the dishes to do afterward.) I am lucky to have a husband who will eat almost anything (except peas) and lets me try new recipes on him when I'm feeling adventurous. But every once in a while I think, Gee, it must be nice to come home from work every day and have a meal waiting for you. I suppose this is why my husband isn't as into eating out as I am--he gets to "eat out" (not that my food is restaurant-quality, but it's decent) every night. I was thinking, I wish I had someone to cook for me.

Then it hit me: I do have someone to cook for me--ME. I am lucky to have the ability, physically and mentally and financially, to prepare a meal. I have the energy and brainpower and the financial savvy to plan and prepare meals that are frugal, nutritious and delicious. (I fed 12 people for 10 bucks last year. Boo-yah.) I have the ability to give this gift to my family. And I'm in charge in the kitchen. And that feels good.

Of course, tonight we got take-in pizza, but still. :)

An quick pictoral update for A

2010-03-15T00:03:00.000-07:00

Such a goofy smile (holding a Valentines present from her Grandma Kitty)

The real Alyssa

Yum, yogurt! (which she now is refusing to eat...sigh)

Baby fashionista (nice shoes, eh?)

More to follow soon.

Do, do, do!

2010-02-01T20:01:00.000-08:00

I've been wanting to make this my FB status a lot lately, but it seems cryptic and annoying, so I'm just going to put it here:

If there is something you know you should do, do it. Do what is right, right now!

It's so easy to put off doing the right thing.

I'll make that phone call later.
I'll just pray about it for now.
I'll reconnect with that person some other time.
I'll apologize when the time is right.
I'll "tell it like it is" some other time.
I'll say "I love you" or "I appreciate you" (or whatever it is) when it's not so awkward or when I've found the perfect words or....
I'll give when...whenever.

If you've been needing a nudge or a kick in the pants or whatever--this is it!

If there is something you know you should do, do it. Do what is right, right now!

Is it crazy if I love these shoes?

2010-02-01T14:29:00.000-08:00

I love nearly everything at Anthropolgie and that is why I never go to the store or the website. Seriously...visit at your own risk.

Finally...fashion

2010-01-29T23:59:00.001-08:00

I have been obsessed with this dress for two years and it is finally mine! (I couldn't bear the $70 price tag when it originally came out so I've been waiting for my size to pop up on ebay--for a cool $18, including the shipping.) I inspired Nic to get this dress, too--so next time she's in the state, we can be twinsies. Ha. Well, maybe not.

Sandra wonders about my opinion on 1980's fashion, incorporating trends into your wardrobe, and the return of the dreaded skinny jean.

Well, I think you have to have the confidence (and maybe the booty) of a Beyonce if you are a curvy girl trying to do this look. And you've gotta follow the "tighter on top--looser on bottom/looser on top--tighter on bottom" rule: if you wear a skinny jean or leggings, make sure your top and/or jacket is looser and has some coverage (preferably to or over the hips). A pair of heels can help make the leg longer and leaner, too--flats plus skinny jeans is a hard look to pull off.

I think one of the best things about fashion these days is that it is less about wearing a certain thing and more about really flattering your body type and making yourself happy. You don't have to give up your straight leg and boot leg cuts, Sandra. (Yay!) Since dark denim in straight or slightly flared cuts (without a ton of ornamentation or whiskering usually) flatters most body types, I think it will always be classic and cool. Of course, if you love stirrup pants and acid-washed jeans, then by all means, make yourself happy and wear those, too! Just own it. If you think you can pull something off--you probably can.

I've decided I really love empire waist tops, tunics and dresses, and I've got to stop giving a crap if someone thinks I look pregnant in them. I don't care (okay, I'm trying not to). Help me not give a damn, girls!

As far as incorporating trends (only the ones you love, not the ones you don't) into your wardrobe: accessories are relatively inexpensive ways to add some spice and trendiness to your life. With the eighties trend currently in vogue, you might try a hot pink patent clutch or some funky plastic earrings or even some jelly shoes. (I saw a gal the other day in tan leg warmers and Converse kicks who looked really cute actually.)If something makes you smile when you think about it or when you are wearing it, then by all means, keep wearing it! Life is too short to let a bunch of people in LA or New York or Paris tell you what is supposed to be cool.

Which reminds me, I need to go back to Charlotte Russe and get these earrings, stat:

It's funny how...

2010-01-29T00:43:00.000-08:00

...right when I can't take any more of Alyssa's shenanigans, she melts my heart with a big kiss on the lips. (Missi, as usual, you are right: one week, she's a grouch who wakes up three times a night; the next week she's an angel, sleeping peacefully through the night. Go fig.)

...even in the bleakest moments, there can be comfort in little things.

...people can step up to the plate and surprise you.

...you can fall in love all over again.

...a heart really can grow, a la The Grinch.

...things could always be worse. A lot worse.

...you can be exhausted and ready to sleep, but not ready to face the silence of the night.

Off to watch something until I can fall asleep.

Ooops

2010-01-20T00:47:00.000-08:00

I forgot I had a blog again. Damn you, Facebook! Damn you!

FB is fun for those momentary updates though. Good stuff really. It's been a blast reconnecting with people from college, too.

In other news...

We are hoping, fingers crossed, to sell our house soon. Our dream house awaits! With two raised gardens (one for veggies and one for cut flowers--begonias and zinnias and dahlias, oh my!) for Kristen. Those of you who have cultivated things you can actually eat: I will be calling on you for advice. I have killed a cactus before so I'm going to need all the help I can get.

When Christmas is over, it's supposed to be spring time, right? Not three months of winter. Puh-leeeze. I am wearing floral scarves and pulling out my canvas shoes and browsing sandals and strapless dresses on ebay, aren't you?

Randomness

2009-11-23T21:05:00.001-08:00

Every once in a while The Non-Consumer Advocate posts a few random thoughts she has, not enough for a blog post, but just thoughts to put out there. This is the way I think constantly...I think my life is too crazy at times (I blame it on the toddler) for my thoughts to be anything more than scattershot. Heh. And I'm not even that busy (I don't go to church and I don't work outside the home so...); maybe I'm just a weirdo.

Anyway, if you'll indulge me...

-A guy called me Babe the other day. In the library parking lot, no less. It is still making me crack up. Who says babe anymore?

-A second baby in this family is "likelier" than not. I don't think J (or I? maybe?) has any idea how much work it is going to be, but...okay.

-We spent the weekend driving around looking at houses. Kind of exhausting, kind of fun. Our last move made me seriously consider divorce/murder so I'm trying to go low-key on this one. Did I ever tell you that one of the houses we looked at five years ago had a live chicken walking around the house? That was a special experience, but seriously, the houses we are looking at now are mansions compared to the ones we were looking at five years ago.

-I am not really optimistic about the recession ending (in real life--not just on paper) any time soon.

-This season of Dexter is blowing my mind. John Lithgow must win an Emmy for this.

-My mom may have found a part-time job.

-I'm reading a new funny book by A.J. Jacobs. If you haven't read The Year of Living Biblically, you really should. I'm starting to get more interested in biographies lately, too. Read a Charles Lindburgh one recently, and I want to get ones on George Washington and Albert Einstein. I just don't know enough about those guys.

-Alyssa's toys sometimes "go off" in the middle of the night and it scares the you-know-what out of me. Last night it was her duck saying, "Peekaboo," with its eery, soul-sucking voice. Brought to mind all those Chucky movie commercials I had to avoid as a kid. Scary.

-Every once in a while I say to myself, "Uh-oh. I have given birth to the most adorable child on the planet." I feel like her cuteness may cause all bunnies and kitties worldwide to shrivel up or implode. I have no idea how we are going to discipline her some day. She is too freaking cute.

Our new nephew/cousin

2009-11-03T12:19:00.001-08:00

J's youngest sister had a baby two weeks ago: Keaton Miles. He is so, so adorable. If these pics aren't motivation to have another baby, I'm not sure what is. :)

His nose and chin remind me of Alyssa's. Everyone said she looked like her Aunt Michelle (Keaton's mom) when she was born, so it makes sense.

I need to get over to Boise so I can snuggle him.

Kind of pretty, right?

2009-11-03T12:03:00.000-08:00

And only about $450. :) I think I'll stick to these $30 Target beauties.

Ya can't help but love boots all fall and winter (and spring?) long.

In my heart

2009-10-26T19:47:00.000-07:00

The subject of when to have another baby has been swirling around our household and in my head for months now. The plan has always been to have two or three kiddos around here, God willing. And I always said I liked the idea of having them somewhat close together. My brother and I were 18 months apart and that always seemed perfect. Well, Alyssa is getting close to 17 months, and I'm not eight months pregnant...or any months pregnant...so.... (As a side note, with the exception of one person, every parent I've asked--and I've asked a lot--has told me that the spacing of their own children was/is the ideal. Interesting, huh? I think these things just tend to work out.)

Part of the problem is getting my head and heart on straight about even having a second child. My feelings about the plan have changed.

I think about the opportunities for Alyssa if she was an only child (private school, lessons galore?), things that I still feel a little sad about missing as a kid (I would have been a cello virtuoso, you know). It is very likely that we wouldn't have to say no to trips and colleges and classes very often (of course, maybe that's a bad thing...these things build character, right? Right?).

I think about how life will change with a new baby. As much as I enjoyed Alyssa's babyhood, just staring at her tiny face sleeping next to mine, seeing her personality start to shine...I am remembering the searing pain of nursing (mostly subsided now, thank goodness), the sleepless nights (heck, I still am up at least once a night now), the exhaustion, the lack of solitude, not being able to leave the house without the baby because she nursed every two or three hours. I am remembering (ah, and I have the pregnant friends reminding me of every condition on Facebook as well!) the physical exhaustion, the constant discomfort, the mood swings, the insomnia, not to mention the terrifically painful experience of childbirth and then the long road to recovery. I'm still 10 lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight; how fat will I be at the end of the next pregnancy? When I was pregnant with Alyssa, I was uncomfortable but completely elated to finally be pregnant and have this long-desired baby growing inside me. Now I'm not sure how I'll feel. And I know that having a toddler to take care of while you are pregnant/caring for a newborn is no picnic in the park (for the toddler or for you!). Still, I know people do it all the time...I'll adjust...but...

I am scared of the unknown. I try not to make decisions out of fear, but there is also this part of me that thinks you have to be smart. If something ever happened to J, I think I could support myself and Alyssa, but Alyssa and another child and maybe another? It's something I don't want to think about, but too many of my friends have lost their spouses (through divorce or death) to not think about it.

I don't think of myself as a high-energy person who is cut out to have a lot of children and thrive doing it. Sometimes I think things are barely, just barely, balanced (I have a little alone time and lots of family time and lots of time with J), and why mess with a good thing?

And truthfully, I am so content with just her. I adore her. She is everything I ever wanted. There is nothing lacking in my heart. Nothing means more than being her mother and her being my little Schmoopie. I feel full. I don't need or want anything else.

But...

Talking with the "only children" (people without siblings, I mean) I know, they missed having another child in the family. In spite of the expanded opportunities Alyssa may have, a brother or sister will be a world of lessons in itself. I love my brother and am glad to have him in my life (and now his wife, as well) and I'm glad that when my parents are gone, we will still hopefully have each other. I love that Alyssa has uncles and aunts.

I know when we have another child, I'll love him or her and probably feel like "what was life even like before little So-and-So was here?" But for now, I'm just trying to wrap my head and my heart around the idea of having another baby...before Alyssa ends up a decade older than him or her.

Highlights

2009-10-23T13:03:00.000-07:00

Listening: Fireflies by Owl City. Totally addicted.

Eating: Split-pea soup, perfect for a windy and wet day like today.

Doing: Balancing my checkbook. I do this practically every day because I am a nerd like that. And laundry. The endless, but fairly satisfying task.

These last few weeks and months have been crazy--crazy good and just plain crazy.

A few highlights:

Alyssa, Mom and I went to visit J's mom, paternal grandmother, and maternal grandmother and step-grandfather in Oregon. The trip was really neat; I want A to know her grandparents as much as possible; that's something that I really missed growing up. (My grandparents were either too far away or estranged, although I have a good relationship with my mom's mom now. Love you, Grandma Sally!). It was sort of a last-minute road trip, and I couldn't have done it without my mom there to help me with Alyssa, especially when we were stuck on Interstate 5 for several hours when a caravan of motorcycles got in a huge accident a few miles ahead of us. There were fatalities. We saw multiple police cars passing us to get to them, and then we saw helicopters, and we knew it wasn't good.

J's grandparents and mom were completely enchanted with this little toddler, of course.

I really enjoyed Aola's recent post about her granddaughter, and I was thinking I'd describe to you what Alyssa is like now.

She is smart as a whip, and she learns new things every day. She is constantly watching and listening; when strangers try to talk to her, she stares at them. I get the "Oh, she looks like a thinker" comment every time we go out. She is quick to laugh with the people she loves, but doesn't giggle or flirt with strangers much. She is trying to imitate words a lot now, and she babbles and talks to us all the time. She's actually pretty good at getting her point across.

She has started throwing a few fits, but they are usually short-lived, and she isn't into screaming (yet). The fits seem more about hurt feelings (pouting) rather than trying to get her own way, really.
She loves Mickey Mouse toys, books and shows; I do let her watch television occasionally, especially if she's having a really rough day, and about 20 minutes in the morning while I'm getting ready for the day. She loves bath time and swimming and doesn't mind getting her face a little wet. She stretches out on her stomach in the bathtub and flops around like a fish. She doesn't eat as much as I would like, and thinks it's extremely funny to throw her food off the high chair, but we're getting the vitamins in her. She is a texture kid--doesn't like slimy or wet things--but I make her fruit smoothies and get the nutrients in that way. I have thought about weaning her for a while now, but things are going well in that department and I don't see any reason to try it right now.

I have been learning a lot about having patience and practicing peace as a mom. Sometimes I just have to take a DEEP BREATH; other times, I just need to stop trying to get things done and just focus on my daughter. What a gift she is. As my grandma reminded me just this morning, she's only this age for a short, short time. I will unload the dishwasher a thousand more times in my lifetime--but this precious moment with my dear one will only last a moment. I need to sing ABC's another time and play "Where's Alyssa's nose?" again.

In the last month, we also went to Disneyland and welcomed a new family member (our nephew/cousin, Keaton Miles), but I'll save that for later.

Oooops

2009-10-22T08:51:00.001-07:00

I got so busy I forgot I had a blog. Sorry about that.

More to follow...

Travel bug

2009-08-04T10:24:00.000-07:00

I am thinking about saving my pennies and planning a trip for my 40th birthday. I wonder how much money I would need to live it up in:

Ireland
Italy
or Paris, France

Alyssa will be turning 13 that year, and I'll probably need a vacation.

Heh.

Where would you go (out of the options on my list and/or your own)?

I will be taking this trip by myself (or with a friend) since J thinks visiting anything east of the Rockies is torture. I'm glad I got some travel out of my system and some stamps in my passport before we met.

I was also researching how much it would cost to fly or take a train down to southern Oregon to take Alyssa to see J's mom and grandmother. You know it costs about the same to fly as it does to take a train nowadays? Silly.

Best and worst

2009-07-12T18:50:00.000-07:00

Best moments of the day:

Dancing with Alyssa in the living room while "Hey, Jude" plays and J makes funny faces at us.

Cuddling the little girl to sleep.

Waking up to wind and cool air and thunder and lightning.

Feeling happy while vacuuming. Those don't usually coincide.

Worst moments of the day:

Grocery shopping on the weekend--ugh. (But it's done!)

Thinking I lost my credit card for about 10 minutes.

And back to best:

Remembering where I put it--duh!--and feeling relieved.

How was your weekend?

And for my birthday

2009-06-17T12:38:00.000-07:00

One of the longest days of the year:
Sunrise: 5:11 a.m.
Sunset: 9:10 p.m.

Breakfast...fresh bagels, eggs, and nectarines and strawberries with mi familia (9 a.m.--J, you are making your famous eggs!)

Lunch...Happy Teriyaki (my favorite)

Dinner...something delicious I find on my first trip to Trader Joe's

Shopping with a girlfriend sans kiddos on Friday...maybe a date with the hubby on Saturday night. Steak, potatoes, broccoli for Father's Day. Fun weekend!

Photo on Flickr by karaku*

Birthday girl

2009-06-17T12:27:00.000-07:00

With her loot. We had a lot of fun at Build-A-Bear and Toys R Us (spoiled rotten, I know).

My brother and sister-in-law got her a tricycle. So freaking cute. She can't reach the pedals yet, but she likes to be pushed around.

Eating a strawberry star cake (made by Missi--yep, I delegated). Thanks, Missi!

We went to a local farm on her actual birthday (a Monday) and had a wonderful time. I love being a mom to this little girl.

Getting around to writing

2009-05-19T15:00:00.000-07:00

It's starting to look like spring around here now. It's just beautiful. It's been the third wettest May on record (and we're only two-thirds through the month) but it's starting to get lovely. Our backyard is a little bit of paradise. I need to take some pictures because J has transformed it into a pleasant little garden and park for us. I never need to leave! Alyssa and I watch yellow finches and hummingbirds and butterflies and ladybugs and walk around the lawn in the afternoons.

Did I mention she's trying to walk? She's only holding on to one parental hand now and she uses the other hand to point and gesture wildly while she babbles. (She might get that from me.) She is delightful. I hate that she's turning one in a few weeks--she's getting to be a toddler. What happened to my baby?

J and I have recently decided/found out that we will probably be staying in this area for the next few years. We had thought we might be moving east, but it's probably not going to happen.

I had longed for something new, some place warm. And yet...

The reality that we are staying here has reminded me of the things I really like about living here: very mild weather for the most part, the lush greenness of everything, friends and family nearby...and I know this town.

I know what the sunlight looks like through the trees on Ruddell Road in early evening. I know the smell of yellow roses and lilacs. I know when the Korean families on our block are making kimchi. I know Bobbie is our ice cream lady and that she just got her cosmetology degree and we need a new ice cream vendor in our neighborhood. I played in the forest where Wal-mart is now. I remember when the movie theater charged $3 per show...before it was changed into a church. I am finally, after six years, remembering that people here don't hug as much as people in Texas. And they don't like you to stand as close. And people here mind their own business--which has its good and bad points, I suppose.

And I would miss the ocean if we left.

So it's very good, very satisfying to stay.

Say a prayer, light a candle...

2009-05-04T09:02:00.001-07:00

Whatever it is you do, do it. My dear friend, Sandra, is having heart surgery today.

Thinking and praying for you, S.

Fashionable (some day)

2009-05-03T09:08:00.000-07:00

I saw this Coach bag in Bride Wars (predictable but sweet movie), and I am in love. I think this bag is perfect for all seasons. It's a classic. I never understood the whole "statement" bag thing or why a purse should cost so much (I mean, I get the whole double-stitching, durable leather thing, but still...). But I love the design of this, even if it is $658. (Oy vey.)

It will go great with my little $14 Mother's Day dress:
And some flats...and maybe a jacket. Like Cara has said before...if I keep buying Goodwill, maybe I can save and splurge on Coach someday.

Water baby

2009-04-29T10:50:00.001-07:00

Her first time swimming--boy, if she thought bathtime was fun...swimming is the bomb.

So yeah, she looks a little like her daddy.

My girl.

7:40 PM

2009-04-24T19:39:00.001-07:00

Today was a crappy day. But it's almost over. And that is good.

Off to read Pride and Prejudice with a caramel macchiato.

This just about sums it up

2009-04-15T09:48:00.000-07:00

In my inbox this morning:

Dear Kris,

Can't keep your baby off the stairs these days? Around now, your infant may be utterly fascinated with crawling/cruising her way up the stairs, then bouncing herself down on her bottom -- or she can climb up, but not back down. (It'll be closer to 18 months before she can actually scale them standing upright like you do -- that takes some serious motor skills). Let her practice with you close behind to give her a boost or catch her if she slips.

By this week your baby is also probably quite aware of what the word "no" means. But does she always listen to it? Um, no! In fact, she may do every off-limits thing she can (throwing food, tormenting the dog) to get you to say it. It's her way of testing limits and getting attention. So don't give in! Casually redirect her and save actual "no's" for something really serious.

But don't be surprised if your baby starts getting angry if she doesn't get what she wants these days. She has entered the age of the temper tantrum -- a sign that she's growing more and more independent. So be prepared -- and stick to your guns when she does melt down.

Um, yeah! How did they know?

Our world

2009-04-14T12:03:00.000-07:00

These are the teeth I was telling you about:

The embodiment of cute, no? This girl loves the park. Heck, we all love the park. Any day outside in the sunshine is a good day. We are anticipating a little sunshine this week, and all of us web-toed Northwesterners are breathing a sigh of relief.

My mom has really had it handed to her lately. She is on her way to Las Vegas (on the plane as I type) to drive her mom and stepdad home to Spokane, WA. My grandpa has had some health complications while traveling down south and my grandma needs to her to come help. I'm glad she's able to go, but I know the trip will be stressful.

On top of this, she was laid off (there's a whole story there that I can't go into, but let's just say...my dislike for churches in general has been affirmed once again)--her last day was March 31. She's been pounding the pavement, interviewing for months, doing everything like she's supposed to, not even taking a day off when she was done with work (she's writing like crazy and looking for work)--but with the recession and an employment rate close to nine percent and climbing, things just haven't opened up.

This frustrates and scares me so much. My parents are the types that, even this very month, will give their last dime to help someone in need. My mom worked her butt off at that church (once again, so much to say about this, but really shouldn't). My parents keep telling me that God has always taken care of them--that they've "never seen the righteous forsake or their children begging for bread." But I feel like I have...and I don't have the faith or the foresight to seen the happy ending in all of this.

Then again, there is one happy ending: J and I have been socking away money for a three-day trip to Disneyland for the five of us. At least that will happen this fall.

Rapid subject change:

Anyone excited about the May movies coming out? X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Star Trek, Terminator Salvation...I know some of you are ready for a nice spring rom-com, Matthew McC style. :)

Has anyone seen The Business of Being Born (with Ricki Lake), Religulous (with Bill Maher) or Expelled (with Ben Stein) by the way? Wanna talk about it? (Can you tell I've been in a documentary mood?)

The Schmoopie is waking up from her nap, and I need to go blow my nose (I feel like a cold is coming on...but maybe it's just springtime allergies), so I'm off for now.

Taxes, schmaxes

2009-04-01T21:30:00.000-07:00

We somehow took home a little more money this month. Thanks, Mr. President? Maybe.

But our sales tax went up a small percentage point--my coffee cost a penny more than usual this morning. At least I can be grateful I can still afford the occasional coffee, right?

Meanwhile, my state's tax freedom day...oh, not for another two weeks or so. I'm sure you've been hearing a lot of flapping about California's deficit; Washington is a smaller state, but our deficit is proportionally similar to California's. We're in quite a mess; J is in the thick of it, trying to straighten some things out (i.e., cut $200,000 for ice skating event in Spokane rather than making the tax burden worse for people in a recession).

In other news...
Working on a blog post on the awesomeness that was seeing Erica last week. Coming soon. :)

Randomly counting blessings

2009-03-18T20:42:00.000-07:00

I have an exceptionally healthy baby. She's had one cold--and that seemed to be more of a reaction to a vaccination than a real cold. (She had a bad reaction the second time, too, so we discontinued that particular one.) We've almost made it through flu season and winter (spring starts on Saturday!) without sickness (knock on wood). She's even mostly happy during teething.

Did I mention that she has her top two teeth? This is highly unusual for babies--they usually get the bottom ones first. You can see them when she smiles, and she is so freaking cute.

J really loves his job. It's going great. This week he had an op-ed run in five state newspapers. He's on his way to D.C. tomorrow to advise folks in the Obama administration. Talk about coolness.

We have jobs and job security. I am a bit stressed about everyone else in my family's job positions, but we are doing okay for now. If I need something, I can just ask J for it, and it's taken care of. I'm not asking for mink coats or anything, but it's still nice to know that we are doing fine financially.

I love being a stay at home mom, even though I wonder if I'm getting more and more boring sometimes.

I get to see Erica and Carissa next week. I am dying for a road trip, so this comes at a very opportune time. Maybe I'll partake in a little sales-tax-free shopping while I'm in Oregon; we'll see.

My friend, Crystal, will be having her baby boy soon. So will Michelle (who sometimes comments as Musician at Heart)!

My local library is fantastic. I have a "Learn Spanish in your car" CD waiting for me there right now.

I'm really thankful for my friend, Missi, who I can be both serious and goofy with. We can talk fashion and movies, but also discuss the important stuff, too.

I'm thankful for blog friends who give such sage advice and who, through simply living their lives, inspire me every day!

"And we won't come home until we've kissed a girl!"

2009-03-15T22:45:00.001-07:00

I can't decide if I'm going to get better at blogging or not. Life is busy and I just don't think about it. I think about all of you...but don't think about writing, crazy enough.

But a lot has happened lately.

The Girl has three teeth now. THREE! She's trying lots of new, fun finger foods now. Cheese is her favorite for now. Avocados are coming soon.

J and I celebrated six years of marriage today. We woke up to (random, unexpected) snow this morning--hard to believe we had an outdoor wedding! He still takes my breath away, and he's still the "most good" person I know. He has an effortless and innate goodness and realness to him. I'm so glad I married him.

I saw Hello, Dolly! at the 5th Avenue Theatre up in Seattle last weekend. It was so fun! Hello, Dolly! is one of those musicals that truly requires no angst or extra thinking on the part of the viewer--it's just goofy fun. The "Put on your Sunday Clothes" scene was phenomenal...lots of beautiful white parasols and prancing. (If you've ever seen Wall-E, you will recognize this song.)

Going to the show (and dinner beforehand) required me to be away from Alyssa for about eight hours. J was in Indianapolis so my mom babysat her...but it was tough to be away from her for so long, even when I knew she was happy and having her third favorite person on earth watching her.

This week J is heading to D.C. again for a few days and then our weekends are going to be one family visit after another (or J traveling out of state) for the next month or so.

One thing I'm really excited about: I get to see Erica in a few weeks! We haven't seen each other in years, and I am looking forward to hearing her laugh and hugging her neck. Plus, she'll get to meet Alyssa--and I'll be seeing my best friend, Carissa, for the first time in nine months...so this trip is super exciting.

Books and movies

2009-03-03T12:03:00.000-08:00

I'm reading Thrift: A Cyclopedia. Quite interesting. I tend to dive in and obsess about a topic, too, so I can understand this author's fascination with his subject.

I finished the Twilight books and really sort of loved them. Darn it! They sucked me in! Jacob was my favorite character, for those of you who have read them. Can't wait to see the movies.

Eddie Murphy makes some craptastic films (Norbit, anyone?), but I still think he is a comic genius. He was good in Dreamgirls, too--probably the most sympathetic character on the screen. J and I watched Meet Dave last night and it had some really cheesy moments, but it was fun, too. Did you hear they are making a fourth Shrek?

The Other Boleyn Girl: skip it. Even with the costuming.

Anyone seen Vicky Cristina Barcelona? I'm trying to decide if I should see it. I kind of love Scarlett Johanssen and Woody Allen films.

On a completely unrelated note...

Alyssa popped her first tooth yesterday. Oh, and she learned to crawl up stairs.

Next on the list: discovering a cure for the common cold.

Way too long

2009-02-19T15:49:00.000-08:00

Yes, I'm still alive.

I'm just taking care of a fully-mobile baby in a not-quite-babyproofed house. Who has decided naps are for losers.

Oh yeah.

I'm finished with the first two books in the Twilight series. The books annoy the heck out of me and intrigue me at the same time. The writing is a bit repetitive, the characters are hormonal and erratic (this is high school after all, and we're dealing with vampires and werewolves here)--but something keeps me coming back. I really enjoy talking with my sisters-in-law about it so there's that. And I think the movies will be fun to watch.

J and I are working our way through the John Adams series; we're into hour 3. So far it's been fascinating. I have been haunted by the image of a man being tarred and feathered. I don't think I understood what that entailed until I saw it on screen and it was horrifying.

On a lighter note, J gave me a huge compliment in comparing me to Abigail Adams recently. Wow.

I think I'm the only one still watching Top Chef. I'm rooting for Carla to win. My old high school friend, Quinn, mentioned she looked like Beaker from the Muppets...I'm still laughing about that one.

An unfortunate mishap in the kitchen?

Saturday is a special day. I'll be going to a baby shower for a dear friend where I'll get to see some other good friends who I haven't seen in a few months. It's also my friend Heather's birthday (28! Are we old or what?) and my new sister-in-law, Erika's birthday. My brother and his wife are happy--what a gift to be married and in love!

Did I mention I play guitar? I'm out of practice now, but I used to be pretty decent. I used to lead worship at my church, and I played in college quite a bit for our daily chapel services and at my church down in Texas and church retreats and that sort of thing. My friend, Missi, and I are thinking about trading lessons with each other--she will teach me to sew and I'll teach her to play.

Guess that's it for now!

A little update of sorts

2009-02-05T10:32:00.000-08:00

We've been enjoying awesome weather this week so Alyssa and I have been taking lots of walks and visiting nearby friends.

My friend, Crystal, is having her first boy due in early April. Her oldest daughter, Natalie, is five and is my goddaughter; they are hoping to have her at the baby's birth. Crystal asked me to be there to hang out with Natalie during the birth to help her enjoy the experience, but not get too freaked out. She is hoping to have her third natural, no-meds childbirth, but the baby is currently breech, so there's a possibility of an emergency there. Neither of us will be at the birth if it's in the middle of the night, but I am really hoping I get to be there; I'm still trying to figure out what to do with Alyssa at this point. Mom? :)

It's amazing how staying home helps you save money. I just noticed I have $16 in my wallet--normally this money is gone in a flash. Anyone else find that money tends to burn a hole in their pocket sometimes?

Ladies, I finally took the plunge and I've purchased a DivaCup. Look for a very PG-13 review post in a few months. Just the money saved and the environmental benefits alone are worth checking it out.

My little Schmoopie is waking up from her morning nap (I can't believe how much I can get done now that she's sleeping in her crib by herself) so I'd better scoot. Did you know that I call my baby funny names? Schmoopie, Cheesy Poof (a la South Park), Schmuna...and my parents call her Boo-Boo and Lyssie. She's so adorable; she inspires all these goofy monikers.

Victorious

2009-01-28T19:55:00.000-08:00

Our little cutie crawling:

Mommyhood

2009-01-26T15:45:00.000-08:00

Alyssa has been doing great with sleeping in her own crib. We had a few snags here in there--namely that she is about to start crawling and she has learned how to push herself up to a sitting position. I keep finding her on all fours or sitting up--or clutching the crib rails for dear life--at three or four in the morning. There's a lot about sleep regressions during these developmental milestones on the internet so I know a lot of parents have had to go through this.

J and I feel oddly liberated. Now that our entire evening isn't spent with an increasingly fussy baby, passing her back and forth, and we're sleeping in the same bed again--it's just a wonderful feeling. We might even consider having more kids now. :)

I do wish she would stay awake a little longer so J got to see more of her, but he's a big part of her bedtime routine now and he's still her favorite person on earth, so that's nice.

Alyssa has also been developing a goofy sense of humor. She is quite reticent around most strangers, but she seems to know when a smile would help her cause. It's very interesting and strange to see this baby grow into her own person, someone with her own desires and the ability to express them. To me, watching her grow is the best part of being a mom.

I'm supposed to go to a mom's potluck this week. I haven't decided if I'm going yet. I'm a little scared. I won't know anyone there so I'll have to get by on my charm and my baby's adorableness. I did have a ton of fun bowling this weekend with quite a few people I didn't know--I guess I can be outgoing and silly when I want to be, but it is hard for me.

Baby's up from her nap so I'm off...

Sleepy-sleepy

2009-01-21T10:40:00.000-08:00

Oh my gosh.

We tried a "controlled crying" method last night. J did most of the hard work of comforting during the early evening crying, but it wasn't as unbearable (for any of us) as I thought it would be. We could tell her tears were tired, angry, "I'm uncomfortable sleeping in a new way" tears rather than fearful ones which we've experienced in the past. We've really worked on making Alyssa's crib a fun place for her to be and we spent a lot of quiet cuddling and playing time with her yesterday and last night.

She slept for about 12 hours with one midnight feeding (mostly for my own benefit--those of you who have breastfed know what I'm referring to--and to reassure myself). I can hardly believe it.

Of course, I slept about three. I was so anxious. And I knew the minute I relaxed, she would start bawling again.

I'm very tired today, and J has a work event tonight so I'm on my own. I'm sort of shocked the whole thing is working. Fingers crossed, prayers said, all that. I'm going to take a nap while Alyssa sleeps (in her crib! not on me!).

Lovely day

2009-01-19T16:39:00.001-08:00

Today was a fantastic day.

The girl slept in her crib long enough for me to take a shower and get dressed, dust the house and clean the bathrooms, and eat some lunch. She played and watched me while I re-sewed a button on J's favorite shirt.

Lunch was really yummy and breakfast was homemade banana bread.

The weather was beautiful and we got to take a walk. I had a free espresso coupon within walking distance so I took advantage of that.

I bought J a present he's been wanting (on ebay--thanks for tip, Missi!) and bought Alyssa a CD we've been wanting to introduce her to.

We got an invitation to a Super Bowl party today, and my husband just got home from a good day at work.

It has been hitting me all over again how lucky I am to be living in the United States, and how blessed my daughter is to be a citizen just by virtue of being born here. Of all the places to be born and to live in the world--we are truly privileged.

My pantry is full. So is my tummy. No zits today. I'm wearing my favorite Goodwill-find sweater. I have the right to vote (which I did last night via absentee ballot). My husband loves me and sent me a "you're so great" e-card.

What a lovely day.

A little update

2009-01-15T11:26:00.000-08:00

Well, Alyssa is about ten seconds from crawling. It's very fun to watch. She rolls everywhere and loves to make a lot of high-pitched singing and talking noises (we call this her "Mariah Carey impersonation"). She continues to charm people at supermarkets and restaurants and pretty much makes us happy every hour of every day.

No teeth yet, but she is biting everything--my shoulder, my belt, any fingers in sight--morning to night.

This week we celebrated my mom's and brother's birthday. Tuesday we had a fun party for my mom; I got to hang out with my friend, Heather, but we didn't get to talk nearly enough.

My sisters-in-law gave me Twilight to read and discuss with them. Anyone out there reading it?

This month started with a wide-open calendar, but the year is filling up fast already!

New Year

2009-01-05T11:30:00.000-08:00

You would think that with my husband on vacation, I'd have more time to blog, but no. I think I managed two blogs in the two weeks he was off. We did get a lot of Christmas-y fun in though, including spending a lot of time with my family and my brother and his new wife.

My Christmas presents from J were fun this year: a pedicure (yet to be experienced), a massage (absolutely heavenly last Friday) and new boots (black this time and less expensive). A Macy's gift card (soon to be used at the MAC or Clinique I presume) and a spur-of-the-moment $10 sweater rounded it all out. He got a mega-huge bottle of his favorite cologne, a new shirt in his new favorite color, movie tickets, and a new 2009 planer from me. We are both geeks for planners and calendars--just love planning for the future!

Speaking of movies, we've been watching a lot of them. Saw Kung-Fu Panda (loved it), Prince Caspian, the new X-Files movie, Wanted (eeeeeeewwwww), and at the theater, The Spirit. My dad and I are supposed to go see Benjamin Button (starring my espresso buddy, Brad Pitt) this week, but I'm trying to get Alyssa on a schedule of some sort in the evenings and so I'm not positive it's going to happen.

Alyssa has tried a variety of new solid foods (one every few days per doctor's advice), and her favorite so far is sweet potatoes. She is positively batty for them. Bananas are up next!

Last night I was up every hour with her. No pacifier, no distraction will work. I think nursing has become her sleep crutch. (I know some people are totally against babies developing "sleep crutches," but seriously, we all have them. I need the house in order and a semi-dark room to get to sleep; J needs a little TV time. Bedtime routines are sleep crutches in a way themselves.) We just need her to develop some sleep aids that don't involve sucking on mommy or being on mommy every hour. I'm not sure if she's teething or what--she does have a little runny nose and she's had much more stimulation in the last two weeks than she usually does, so she could be just wanting extra mommy-quiet-nursing time.

I'm reading a new book that is giving me some ideas and some hope that we can help her without making her cry it out (fussing it out is okay, but I'm hoping to avoid major fear and screaming for hours at a time every night). We tried it for a few nights and it was too much for me--I know it works for some parents, but I just can't do it...at least right now while she's still so little.

No strict New Year's resolutions this year...help my daughter grow strong and happy. Spend more "quality time" with the hubby. Be more mindful of what I'm eating instead of shoveling whatever is in front of me in my mouth. Work on being more kind and more forgiving.

Eating Christmas applesauce

2008-12-25T18:51:00.001-08:00

Solid(ish) food

2008-12-24T09:17:00.000-08:00

We went with the typical rice cereal (diluted with breast milk) and she had a few grimaces, but so far, she loves to eat and constantly wants to feed herself. Applesauce and cheerios won't be far behind!
And here she is with her Papaw on his birthday!
Merry Christmas, everyone!

Fashion-y

2008-12-23T10:34:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking I'd like to wear dresses (with cardigans and tights in the winter) a bit more. (Maybe it's a longing for the breeziness of spring.) It will be easier when I'm not breastfeeding anymore (which is more easily done in separates), but these are the dresses I'm liking right now:
I'm sort of obsessed with Liberty prints right now.

I've love to have this in blue and brown. Perfect for strolling around Disneyland... Oh, did I mention we're going there in SEPTEMBER!? Woo-hoo!

I think you could dress this one up or down, plus it's a cute date night look.

J got me a MAC gift card and I can't wait to do a little make-up shopping after the holidays!

Snowed in, but having fun

2008-12-20T08:51:00.000-08:00

They are using the word "blizzard" for tonight. Unfortunately, my only familiarity with blizzards is the kind with chocolate chip cookie dough chunks in them.

And someone tried solid food for the first time last night (right in time for her Papaw's--my dad's--birthday! Pictures soon...)

We're those kind of people...

2008-12-14T18:35:00.001-08:00

The kind that dress their kid in goofy holiday costumes. Oh yeah.

She fell asleep about five minutes after we took this picture.

And here she is in her crib (she doesn't mind playing in there, but you can forget about sleeping):

I dream of Brad Pitt--not those kind of dreams

2008-12-12T08:45:00.000-08:00

I've never found Brad Pitt all that hot, but unfortunately he's in my psyche. I have dreams every few months that we are friends. You know, we hang out, get cappuccinos, go bowling, that sort of thing. I think it's because he's EVERYWHERE. He makes the news frequently and his face is at every check stand in every store in America, so... I sort of wonder if that is embarrassing to him or if he (and other stars) secretly loves it. I just realized...I heard or saw news about him in four different venues yesterday. That would explain it.

In other news...

I've joined Facebook (the online cult, as J likes to call it). Missi cajoled me with "even your mom has FB...it's time to join!" So here I am. Let me know if you have an account and we'll be buddies!

We are on a winter storm watch. It's already getting windy and nasty and wet this morning, but it's supposed to get worse and then we're going to have a big temperature drop pretty soon. Some winters we barely get below freezing, but we're supposed to have a HIGH of 27 degrees on Monday.

Part of me secretly loves "extreme" weather, but tonight we're supposed to head north to J's work's annual Christmas party. I'm all ready to go (bottle is pumped, cookies are made), but I really don't want to. I know it will be fun and I haven't seen a lot of J's colleagues since April (plus, hello, yummy food including my delicious sugar cookies), but it freaks me out to be driving an hour and a half away from my baby on a nasty weather night like tonight. I don't want to be that far from her or to get stuck or in an accident or something. She's going through separation anxiety early (or maybe that's me) and I don't like to be away from her much as it is, in case she has a total meltdown. It's probably silly to worry, but I still am.

Every time I see this picture it makes me laugh. So I had to share it with you.

I'm just a girl

2008-12-09T13:13:00.000-08:00

A big baby girl, that is. I still cry when I don't get what I want. I'm hoping it's a sign of maturity to recognize I'm immature.

The house is a definite no. Already called the realtor and all that. But it really is a neat house and I hope that a nice person or family will get into it and that it doesn't remain vacant for a long time in this economy. Josh? You guys liked it...it has four bedrooms...

Not to be all The Secret about it, but I like the idea of writing down your goals and dreams and doing what you can to make them a reality. Writing it out just seems smart--makes it more tangible. So here are our dream house requirements:

Lots of windows and light
Four bedrooms
A master bathroom with two sinks :)
A big space for future homeschooling
Yard big enough for 1) kids to play, 2) Kristen to have a veg garden, and 3) J to work his floral magic
Fireplace
Sprinkler system
A patio
"Worst" house on the block (so we can afford to live in a decent neighborhood)
Air conditioning and heat pump
A formal dining room
In good condition (new paint is fine, but no rotting wood or anything like that)

Heck, why not throw in a hot tub? (The reason I liked this house so much--it had everything but the last three items on this list.)

Dreamy house

2008-12-06T09:25:00.000-08:00

We're not really in the market for a new house right now. Our budget is stretched to just where it needs to be, and we're doing fine. (I never thought we'd be here on just one income!)

But yesterday on my walk with Alyssa, I saw that a house I have always, always loved is for sale. Just ask J: pretty much everytime we walk by, I say, "Ooooh, I love that house! It remind me of a house in Texas! I want to go in there!" It's a grand house with lots of windows--and it's lavender. The town I went to college in is "Gingerbread House Capital" and the "Most Historic Town" of Texas so I got to see some really quaint and lovely homes while I was there. This house reminds me of that.

So I called up the realtor and I'm checking it out today. It is, surprisingly, in our price range, but that is due to it being a short sale. I'm not sure we'd want to deal with all that (both the seller and their bank/lender have to approve the sale and that can take months). But I'm excited to go look at the house this morning and meet the realtor. After a fiasco with our last realtor (she came to our house offer signing on pain medications and was completely loopy), I'm always trying to keep out an eye for a good, honest one.

Hip to the hop

2008-12-05T10:23:00.000-08:00

Alyssa and I are addicted to Forever by Chris Brown. We dance to it in the car (hand movements only and only when J is driving) and at home (this girl loves to be twirled).

What a fun song. Chris Brown is kind of amazing; I love it when a man can dance!

Kristen at The Frugal Girl (link on the sidebar) has a fun post up today about finding rollerblades for the kiddies at a thrift store. I've never been opposed to thrift store shopping and buying used, but I know for some it's not as fun as buying something new. She brought up a point that I've been thinking about lately--once I buy something and use it, it's used. Might as well buy something (used) for significantly less when I can since that "new thrill" is going to be gone after a use or two, right? And is "new" worth a huge mark-up? Sometimes, but on many things, nope.

Off to take a walk with the girl...it's beautiful and cold outside!

Volunteers please...

2008-12-02T14:21:00.000-08:00

Would someone like to come over and "sleep train" my baby? Please...

I will be sleeping next to my husband in our bedroom--you know the cozy one with new sheets I haven't slept in in six months? Consider yourself warned: you'd better knock before entering!

Home, home again

2008-11-29T20:52:00.000-08:00

We made it. We're home from Boise relatively unscathed. Alyssa was a total trooper and everyone adored her. I will post pictures soon of her adorableness (I'm tired, so adorableness is a word).

Unfortunately, my dentist bill was waiting for me when I got home. I can't stop wincing every time I think about it. Oh my word. Makes me very glad we're not doing anything huge for Christmas this year. J tried to convince me to get a laptop during the Black Friday sales and I'm very glad we didn't.

I also found out that our health insurance is changing next year in a really, really crappy way. The midwives I had for Alyssa's pregnancy and birth are not on this plan. They are the only midwives who deliver at the main hospital in the area (the one where I had Alyssa). A different midwife (who I interviewed and liked a lot) is available on the plan, but not the facility she delivers at, which leaves only home birth, but that is very unlikely.

I do not want a doctor-attended hospital birth.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do, but at least I have a few years to figure it out. I might just have to start saving now so I can pay for one of the out-of-network options at (gulp) full price.

But I'm very grateful to have health insurance.

UPDATE: Just found a neat birthing center about 30 minutes away IS covered and two midwives in my town deliver there. Feeling quite relieved!

Here's Baby Girl on the plane:

We got to see a spectacular sunset on the way home from Idaho. We also got two free plane tickets and a free McDonald's dinner--our flight was overbooked with infants (apparently there can only be six lap infants per plane) so we volunteered to take a later flight and get two free tickets. (It made me feel kind of good to volunteer and not inconvenience the other parents and babies, too--traveling with little ones can be a hassle, but Alyssa was doing great.) Disneyland or Hawaii...here we come!

What I'm thankful for

2008-11-25T08:54:00.000-08:00

We're traveling for the holidays so it's early, but Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! And happy 28 years to my parents today.

Funky

2008-11-19T13:35:00.000-08:00

Twenty-six hours of labor without anesthesia...

or

Two hours of dentistry work with lots of it...

Hmmmm.

I like the one where you get a baby at the end better, I think...but now I've experienced both!

And I've got to add that being numb from your neck to your eyeball is a pretty funky feeling.

On the bright side...

2008-11-13T09:00:00.000-08:00

Alyssa turned five months old this week. She is getting so big! Missi, Jonathan and Jade are letting her borrow their exersaucer and she is loving it! I don't have a picture of her in it yet, but she looks so grown up!

Here she is in her dad's childhood rocking chair.
Her pajamas say "Mommy's Little Pumpkin." This is as close as we got to a Halloween costume:

Her eyes are turning brown now...or maybe hazel.

I'm reading a few great books right now. Banker to the Poor and Creating a World Without Poverty: Social Business and the Future of Capitalism about microlending and capitalism (so inspiring) both by Muhammad Yunus, and How to Cook Everything by Mark Bittman. (Apparently I'm reading the older version, but I can't imagine it getting much better that this!)Anyone out there check out Top Chef last night?

Do not shop/consign at Fine Consign in Olympia, WA

2008-11-13T08:30:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I had quite the experience with a consignment shop; it's my first experience with consigning and it was pretty terrible. If only I had googled, I would have found this:

This business doesn't even rate a 1/2 star.

Do not bother taking things to consign. I've been ignored repeatedly. They "lost" my paperwork. I've made appointments to pick up my money and unsold clothes only to find no one at the shop. This has been going on for over a month. I suspect they sold my things and didn't record it - so they're "looking" for my things.

Even though they have 3 phone numbers to contact me - they claim the numbers are "bad".

Phone messages are NEVER returned.

This is a rip off! Have a garage sale or donate your clothes - you'll feel much better about it!

And...

I wish I would have read a review first before taking my things for consignment. Owner did not show up for my appointment to pick up my unsold clothes or check for sold items. The salesclerk told me to come in the following week which I did, and the owner was very rude to me and stated that I needed an appointment. Also, they couldn't find all of my clothes. I have another appointment and if they give me the run around I will be reporting this to the better business bureau. This is not a way to run a business. I agree with the other review...not even worth half a star.

Oh, and...

I brought clothes into Fine Consign in fall. Her copy machine was broken so she wrote out two copies of the "contract." She wrote out when to pick up the items. As a courtesy, I called and left a message that I would be in town to pick up any remaining items. When I came in she yelled at me and told me to get out of her store. I said no and that I called as a courtesy and since I live in South Thurston County I didn't want to spend the money on gas. She looked around and found that her "staff" had pulled some of the items. She couldn't find the rest. When I asked for a written list of what she couldn't find, she told me again to get out of her store. I again said no and that she was responsible and I needed a list. I also asked for my check. She said that it would be mailed on 12/11. I called on 12/20. She said that it was written on 12/19. I called on 1/2. She said that she would stop payment on the first check and send a new one. It's now 1/15 and no check. I won't be doing business with her again. And by the way, three months later and the copy machine still wasn't fixed. It also seems that she "kept" both copies of the list of items that she couldn't find so I can't take her to small claims. Tricky.

Nice, huh? It's astonishing that a business can still be around after treating its customers so shabbily.

I also got the "phone calls not returned/hung up on" treatment (until I had left four messages over a week timespan), "stuff not ready for pick-up at their appointment time" treatment (it's not their fault that I live somewhat far away and have to carry my child through a monsoon to get there, but it sure didn't make my mood better) and all the ridiculous excuses possible for why they didn't have my stuff ready. When I called later that day to tell them I was coming back tomorrow for my things or my attorney would be calling them, they told me to go ahead and call him and that my stuff wouldn't be ready, and then hung up on me. Of course, knowing what I know now (above), they've probably heard that "threat" a lot.

Of course, that wasn't an idle threat with me; that was a promise. I called my attorney and he suggested I send them a strongly-worded letter, which he also reviewed. It ended a little like this:

If I am not contacted by phone to pick up my clothing and have not received it within a week, I will be contacting my attorney, the Washington Attorney General’s Consumer Complaint division, The Olympian, the Better Business Bureau, and other internet review sites to tell them about my terrible experience with your store. I will never recommend your store to anyone after the way I have been treated.

I am not a mean person, and I go out of my way to give people the benefit of the doubt. But after reading all of these complaints and having been treated so poorly, I feel I have to stand up to these people. It really depresses me though. I'm trying to be calm and happy for Alyssa and my family, but honestly, this really chaps my hide.

UPDATE: Apparently they decided to have my stuff ready today anyway (even after they told me to call my attorney and that it wouldn't be ready). They left a message on my answering machine telling me they had been "waiting for me to come pick up my stuff since noon" (I'm not sure what waiting entails since the store was open and I literally would have to walk to the front desk, pick up my stuff and leave; not that it matters, but I told them I would be there at 12:30 p.m. anyway--I had a dentist appointment at 11:30 a.m.). They said they "had to close the store for 20 minutes yesterday so they could get my clothing out of the back room." (I'm not sure why that's my problem....) The message also said they didn't want my business any more. LOL No worries there.

My mom actually picked up my stuff for me (you can see her comment in the comment section); she didn't expect my stuff to be ready, but was prepared to camp out until they handed it over. They were rude to her as well.

I just don't understand people.

Having fun with Polyvore

2008-11-05T10:00:00.001-08:00

Ladies who lunch...

At the Farmer's Market...

Election recap

2008-11-05T08:15:00.001-08:00

Well, most of the people I voted for didn't end up winning. (Heck, some of them weren't even on the ballot, so...) I never feel like my vote for president matters much anyway: Washington is going Democrat no matter how I vote. Sometimes the winner is announced before our polls even close. But it may not always be that way, so I'll keep voting.

I think Barack Obama will likely do a fine job. I'm a little terrified by his economic policies, but then again, I think the economy will get a temporary boost from consumer hopefulness if nothing else. (The WSJ has an article on the myths of the great depression I found interesting today.) I hope he becomes more moderate on certain issues, abortion among them. I think John McCain can rest in the fact that he led a fairly honorable campaign and had a good run. (I wonder if Sarah Palin will get reelected in her own state or if she will become a talk show host or entertainer as so many have suggested.)

I was pretty sure that Washington's governor was going to remain Christine Gregoire, but I liked Dino Rossi's chances. I'm disappointed, but not surprised. Gregoire has been doing a pretty decent job and hasn't raised the taxes that affect the majority of people. I'm really hoping we can keep the state income tax-free.

For Aola

2008-11-03T06:00:00.000-08:00

"When you are a teenager, your parents are clueless.

When you become an adult, your parents are pretty smart.

When you become a parent, your parents are freaking geniuses."

--Jeanne,

mother to two perfect children (Darren and me),

grandmother to one perfect grandchild (Alyssa)

Aola, I have a feeling that Levi and Christi will soon know you are a freaking genius. They will also get a glimpse of how much you love them. I knew my parents loved me, but I didn't know how fiercely and how deeply until I got to experience it myself with Alyssa.

You've raised some great kids (and encouraged and helped many long-distance daughters and friends, myself included), and I know you will have so much fun and be such a wise and patient grandmother.

I already sent Zoe some fun things (and got a beautiful thank-you note from Christi). Just know it comes with all my love and best wishes.

Pumpkin day

2008-10-31T08:53:00.001-07:00

Thought I'd post another pumpkin patch picture...

Guess who decided she needed two baths yesterday?

My girl!

For those of you trying to save money, I've really been enjoying The Simple Dollar website lately. This post on peer pressure struck a chord with me this morning. There are so many good "frugal" blogs out there!

Music for a baby's soul

2008-10-28T16:26:00.001-07:00

I'm pretty sure Alyssa's favorite song is "Old McDonald," but these are a few of the other songs I sing to her:

"You can learn how to be you in time..." I love that line.

My personal favorite (I won't subject you to the entire video...here's the MC commercial):

I love exposing her to beautiful music.

Really boring post ahead

2008-10-24T09:16:00.001-07:00

I like to think of myself as a "B personality type"--easy-going, introverted, people-oriented, introspective. But whenever I take those personality quizzes, I always end up right in the middle--maybe 51% B and 49% A.

Yesterday though I found myself really agitated that I hadn't gotten everything on my list done. Sure, I had done two loads of laundry, made it to the gym, copied a few recipes, remade a bed (I think I prefer cleaning toilets to this, I hate doing it so much), cleaned three toilets, cleaned and clothed myself and my child, and survived.

But the floors weren't vacuumed. Dear sweet Lord.

It's still bothering me, even though I'm making fun of myself. Sigh. Maybe I'm not so B-personality after all.

J asks me what I did every day when he gets home. (Actually he asks the baby, but I'm supposed to answer.) All I can say is I cleaned the house...because it takes all day to do it when your baby screams when you lay her down. He asks what I want to do on the weekend and I literally cannot think of anything but "clip A's nails, go to the gym, prepare five meals, look at the Sunday ads, pump a bottle...and VACUUM." My brain is overloaded by baby and house and cooking and grocery shopping because that is my life right now.

I think some fun is in order today, don't you?

I have to go now--the baby is crying even though she is dry, fed and set up with her favorite toys. Life is hard when you are four months old...

Gratitude

2008-10-22T20:45:00.000-07:00

This quote came to me via email today and I really liked it:

"To educate yourself for the feeling of gratitude means to take nothing for granted, but to always seek out and value the kind that will stand behind the action. Nothing that is done for you is a matter of course. Everything originates in a will for the good, which is directed at you. Train yourself never to put off the word or action for the expression of gratitude."

--Albert Schweitzer

Some fun this week

2008-10-21T09:30:00.000-07:00

I won something! It's odd because I had a feeling I would win--and I did! Ambika at (Into) the Fray was having a giveaway--and I won! To celebrate I had to buy a pair of earrings from her that I've been drooling over (visiting at least three times a week, etc.); I was going to ask for them for Christmas, but they may have been sold by then, so....

I've been thinking lately...about fashion again. Clothing is a bit like a car--unless you are buying a classic (read: designer), the minute you drive it off the lot or leave the store, it depreciates in value. You usually can't sell a sweater or dress for more than you buy it, right? So it only makes sense--economically, environmentally, all that--to try to find what you are looking for in a thrift store first.

This week, I found two long-sleeved tops and two little jackets for Alyssa (it's getting cold up here!) at Goodwill for $1.99 each. I almost bought one sweater (on a 30% off rack) at Target for $9 the day before, but held off. I also found three Goodwill sweaters for me for the price of one--on sale--at Penney's. One of them still had the original store tags on them, and they are in great shape.

At a garage sale this weekend (we Washingtonians have garage sales in the winter and in the rain), my parents bought a big stuffed pony for Alyssa for about $2.00. It's bigger than her right now; it's so cute!

They also found a Bumbo with a tray--for $10. I had told my mom that if she ever saw a Bumbo for under $15 to buy it immediately and I would pay her back. I've been looking for them on Craigslist, but they always sell immediately and usually for $20-25. (They retail for around $40--with an extra $10 for a tray.) I was really excited to get one! (On a dorky sidenote, I kind of wanted a lavendar one...and that's what they found!)

Alyssa is enjoying sitting up and looking around now; she never wants to lay down now. She wants to be sitting up and moving and grooving. She rolls everywhere she wants to go now--it's great, but I have a good/bad feeling she'll be crawling pretty soon.

Busy

2008-10-13T22:25:00.000-07:00

I really would like to blog more, but there's always so much going on! Today was a typical day: taking care of baby (diapers, feeding, a few wardrobe changes a day, playing, teaching, bathing), baking, taking care of me (I need to eat once in a while!), grocery shopping, unclogging the shower drain, restocking the diaper bag, replacing the batteries in Alyssa's toy, three loads of laundry, re-making the bed, calling two friends, finding birthday presents on Amazon, preparing next month's grocery budget (I'm really ahead this month), searching for coupons online, cooking dinner, making J's lunch, cleaning, dishes, e-mail, read a little, try to get in a workout...

Fortunately, Monday nights are my "get-away" evenings to just relax. (Thanks, J!) Last week I hung out in the library and read fashion magazines (ah, the deliciousness of it all), but today the library was closed and I felt like a zombie anyway, so it was just a quick trip to Fred Meyer and then home.

Here are my two cuties at the pumpkin patch this weekend:

We came home and watched Abbott and Costello movies and relaxed.

In other news, my big hobbies lately are coupon and bargain shopping and reading. Those of you reading The Shack, I'd love to hear your thoughts on it... I've read the Tightwad Gazette before, but it's waiting for me at the library again. In these economic times, it's great to learn new ways to save money.

C-U-T-E

2008-10-04T20:26:00.001-07:00

Sometimes the cuteness just overwhelms, no?

Also very cute, but in a different genre:

Onlineshoes.com has these in forest green. I keep visiting them...just to, you know, say hi.

Also cute--the latest Target purchase (but in dark brown):

Shall be pretty with the brown boots...

Crazy busy nuts

2008-09-29T08:59:00.000-07:00

September just flew by.

Between Darren's wedding and two business trips for J (one to AZ and one to DC) and then J's birthday this weekend, things have just been so busy. J's family came to visit and we had a wonderful time. I got him a drill for his birthday and his family got him a 49er gnome.

Goofy, huh?

J's mom's birthday is the day before his, so we usually make a big family weekend out of it. I made a really yummy, simple slow cooker taco soup for Saturday night and a coconut cake for J. Alyssa also got to meet her great-grandmother for the first time--that was a lot of fun for all of us.

Here's J on his 31st birthday with his little girl.

He also got her to laugh a lot on video this time:

In 2009, Disneyland is giving people free admission on their birthdays. So we've decided next September, we're going there for J's birthday! Between J's business trips and this trip to Disneyland, we're hoping to have enough frequent flyer miles to go to Hawaii! I've never been there, or really any place "tropical," so that will be neat.

My dad is finally home from Arkansas, too. It's so good to have him home!

We're enjoying a warm spell again...I just packed up all of our summer clothes and pulled out the sweaters and boom--it's 79 today! I've got to get out and enjoy this weather while it lasts!

Little seniorita

2008-09-18T12:42:00.003-07:00

Lots of pictures for those of you who have been asking...about 11 on this page!

Yes, I know...she looks her like her dad.

Ballerina girl

2008-09-18T12:42:00.002-07:00

Alyssa never wears shoes, but these were so cute, I had to try them on her at least once.

I think she liked them.

Two little wedding pics

2008-09-18T12:42:00.001-07:00

There's me in my green dress in the corner, and my mom with the bouquet in the middle...

We were told green was the color and to wear that...and then we were the only ones wearing it...LOL.

As you can see, it was a gorgeous day.

The bride and groom were beautiful. (Back when I went to church...the guy in the middle was my pastor. Really neat family.)

Coffee with friends this weekend

2008-09-18T12:42:00.000-07:00

Our group is getting bigger each year with the new kiddies that get added...

When reality sets in

2008-09-15T09:37:00.001-07:00

J and I have been considering a move for a long time now. It's a difficult one to make because for the most part, we like where we are. Sure, we'd enjoy a different neighborhood (too many zombie children and irresponsible people in this one). But what it really comes down to is the long, long, dark gray winters here. We can literally go for months without seeing the sun. When I think about the winters here, it actually physically pains me. I feel tightness in my stomach, heaviness in my chest, aching in my head and joints.

A move would mean much-more-frequent sunny days in a more family-friendly town where we could afford much more (a much bigger home, a big yard for Alyssa and a garden for me)--but it would take us away from my parents and our friends and J's wonderful job. It's hard to talk to anyone about it because the people we love all have a vested interest in where we live, of course. I'm thinking I need to hire a life coach or someone just to go through all the pros and cons of it with me and help me figure out what to think of all of this.

Anyway, on a lighter note...

This whole time I've been thinking I'd like to have my own vegetable garden when we have a big enough home and yard. But I've been watering the lawn for J now that I'm home during the day (the lawn is his domain, but I occasionally help), and I've gotta tell you, I hate it. I am not a dirt-under-your-fingernails person yet. I hate encountering slugs and spiders and crickets. EEEEK! An occasional little green frog I can handle, as long as he doesn't jump anywhere near me. I need some pink or purple little gardening gloves and the cutest gardening clogs I can find before I'll be ready to be a real gardener one day.

Got any teeth in that floppy mouth of yours?

2008-09-12T08:18:00.000-07:00

I promise to post some pictures soon; J is in Arizona at an amazing hotel for a conference so I'm single-momming it with the little one. Who just happens to be teething. Seriously...at three months? You can see little nubbies on the top and bottom gums in the front. She is so uncomfortable.

Yesterday my mom came over for a little while just to give me a break from having Little Girl on me constantly, but Alyssa just screamed when my mom took her. My mom is her third favorite person on earth, and she usually loves hanging out with her. I was sitting inches away, but she had to be ON me. She doesn't want me out of her sight, which made yesterday interesting. I put her in her bouncer and walked the 15 feet to the bathroom and she started shrieking before I even made it through the bathroom door. I'm hoping that she will be able to comforted by her dad this weekend so I can get some things done around the house.

Off to try to take a shower...

UPDATE: Here are a few pics from the wedding. J was so busy taking care of Alyssa we didn't get many of me in my dress (it ended up being a different one than the one I posted). Sorry...

Sandra's Shower

2008-09-09T08:03:00.000-07:00

Words of love from Aola.

Erica's poetic (as usual) offering.

With love from Cheri.

The ever-wise Kelli.

Cara is the best auntie a baby could ask for.

A quick note from Becky.

Kristen's contribution.

Blessings to you, Hayden and your whole family, Sandra!

For Sandra

2008-09-09T07:59:00.000-07:00

Sandra, we've never met in person, but I consider you a dear friend. Hopefully we will meet and our kids will play together one day.

When I think of you, the words that come to mind are

creative,

gentle,

humble,

wise and

kind.

Because of who you are--you will be a wonderful mother to Hayden--just like you are to Erin.

Much love...and these fun things...are on their way to you.

Marriages and babies...

2008-09-04T16:33:00.000-07:00

We're off to Darren's wedding tomorrow! Wish us luck!

If anyone who I haven't contacted yet would like to participate in Sandra's virtual shower, let me know! We're doing it this Tuesday!

Today is a hard day

2008-09-03T11:09:00.001-07:00

It's hard to blog when you are this busy and sleep-deprived. It's all I can do to keep the ball rolling around here that blogging takes a back seat. Sorry, guys.

We had a really fun weekend. I had some great girlfriends from high school come over for lunch on Saturday. We had so much fun! All four of us are at a really happy place in our lives right now--it's so good. One has a new boyfriend, one is pregnant with her third baby.

J and I tried a new delicious restaurant on our date night. Did I tell you we have date nights? My mom watches the girl and we get to go out and reconnect. It is so wonderful. We've been trying to hit new restaurants and find a few new favorites.

Darren is getting married on Saturday. I have a bad, bad feeling I am going to cry through the entire ceremony. Either that or pick a fight with someone--that's what I do when I don't want to cry--I just get mad. Sigh. Pray that I'm nice and that Alyssa is okay with all the traveling involved.

I am very sad today. My parents' dog, that I love in spite of her major attitude issues and fierce devotion to my father alone, is getting put down today. We've had that dog for ten years and she's just getting sicker and more irritable by the day. But I will miss her so, so much. She was so much fun and gave us so much joy and good company over these years. I love you and your darn stubborn ways, Sophia Maria Conchita Velvetta Montgomery-Jones.

PS I have too many thoughts about Sarah Palin and the scrutiny she is under to blog thoroughly about it. I want to like her (if only to have someone to like on the ticket), and in spite of her relative inexperience, I think she could do the vice president job capably. (Maybe meeting some of these policy people and knowing a) how dorky many of them are, but who are just fine anyway and b) how much assistance and education these people receive on the job makes me not worry as much about her.) But as a parent, I don't think I could go in to a campaign knowing that my daughter would face so much fire. It's one thing for a town or a state to know the seventeen-year-old is pregnant out of wedlock--it's a whole other thing for the entire country/world to know and for it to be discussed over and over again on the nightly news. I question someone that ambitious--and it has nothing to do with her being a woman.

So Christian Dior me, from my head to my toes*

2008-08-25T13:43:00.000-07:00

We survived Alyssa's first cold and mine. Poor little one was so pathetic and sweet. She wanted to be ON Mama all the time, so I didn't get a lot done, but I actually didn't mind for a change.

J let me escape to Ross (where I found a super cute black pencil skirt for $7) for an hour this weekend so I could have some real alone time. I am used to spending a lot of time alone and brooding; it's my recharge time. I'm so thankful to J for giving me the opportunity to do that--it looks like it might become an every Monday night thing.

I realize I've been writing about fashion-y stuff a lot lately. Part of it is that I'm just so happy to be wearing non-maternity clothing again! And fall is fast approaching. Here in the rainy side of the Northwest, we have about nine months of cold-ish (30-50 degrees) weather, so shopping right now is really gearing up for the entire year until next summer.

I feel like I have a few fashion challenges: clothing must be easy to clean (I'm getting spit up on a lot) and easy to nurse in. I am still bigger than before and I'm trying to be cool with that, although it's hard at times. Honestly my clothing size and my weight say I'm bigger, but I don't feel big at all. It's sort of weird. Maybe I got used to being HUGE while pregnant and so this doesn't feel big. I'm enjoying having a bodacious booty and bigger boobs, other than the fact that it means I'm wearing large and extra-large t-shirts instead of the smalls and mediums I'm used to.

Anyway, the frivolity of fashion is a fun diversion to the major changes happening in my life. It feels good. It's not that I'm not worried about the economy or the presidential election or the conflicts across the world...but I'm not blogging about it at the moment.

Other thoughts:
Question for you Obama supporters/on-the-fencers, does Biden as VP make or break the deal for you?

My dad and I have been working out together at the gym. It is so much fun.

Is anyone else watching Project Runway? Can I admit I secretly love Suede?

Alyssa is rolling from her stomach to her back now and growing out of her 0-3 month duds. Her current favorite activities are telling her dad stories, showering with mom and trying her darnedest to watch football on TV (no matter how much we turn her away from it).

*Fifteen points for whoever can tell me what musical this line is from...

So you can see her smile

2008-08-21T11:00:00.000-07:00

Painted lady

2008-08-18T10:41:00.000-07:00

You can miss a lot when you sleep all night. For example, beautiful orange sunrises that cast the nursery in a warm glow. Or spectacular thunder and lightning storms at 4:30 in the morning. We don't get many of those here so it's fun when they happen. We often have earthquakes at night, too, but I haven't experienced those yet. Best of all, a peaceful little cherub cuddled up next to you.

We're having our first day of fall-like weather in a while, and it's sort of weird. I love the color changes in the fall and new sweaters and that sort of thing, but I will really miss summer. I haven't been out as much because of the baby (too hot for her or we're too tired or whatever), but I would not have relished being pregnant all summer. No way. (Sorry, Sandra.) Pregnancy was like a school year (September to June) and that was just fine.

The Domestic Sophisticates recently posted a super-fun, free website where you can try on hairstyles AND make-up. I have discovered I do not look good in bangs, warm-toned lip colors or light blonde hair. Yikes. Good to know! But red lipstick and a shorter do (if J was cool with it), I would definitely try.

The thick eyeliner and false eyelashes are a bit much though.

Lucky

2008-08-14T07:54:00.000-07:00

I'm experiencing my first cold of motherhood, and so far, it's going okay. I'm worried about making the babe sick, but between my mother and J, we are surviving. Thank heavens for teriyaki food to lift my spirits (thanks, honey).

Alyssa has started to smile all the time now, especially when I'm looking at her, but if I avert my eyes even for a second, she grins like she's playing a trick on me. Her greatest confidante is her GiGi (my mom), but she also tells J and me stories from time to time. Her little flower mobile and Leapfrog bug (both given to her by the aforementioned Heather with the adorable baby Katelyn) also get to hear about her adventures during the day.

This morning she graced her father with a long, loud fart to start the day. Such a goofy girl.

Both J and I will see our youngest siblings married off in the next three months. It's a chaotic and happy time.

Did I tell you that J and I met in July, got engaged in November and got married in March? Well, our siblings seem to be following the same routine--one going from meet-cute to engaged-without-the-ring in about a month, and the other meeting her future husband, getting engaged within three weeks and marrying four months down the road.

Whew.

By the way, the boots of glory had to be returned. Soooo sad. "Athletic" calves. What can I say? They are being replaced by another exciting and worthy pair--made especially exciting by finding an internet promo code and getting another 15 percent off. And they are styled more like real riding boots, which is kind of fun. Yes, I'm a nerd.

It's supposed to be 90 today...supposedly we're in for a few record-breaking days. Guess I won't be wearing these boots anytime soon, but then again, they're in Chippewa Falls anyway. :)

Two months

2008-08-08T13:15:00.000-07:00

I know you guys are all stoked about the Olympics starting today, but I have another reason to celebrate: Alyssa is two months old! She had her two-month check-up yesterday and she is a whopping 10 lbs, 10 oz and almost 24 inches long. I know it sounds funny, but I feel so proud of her and of us as parents.

Yay!

2008-08-07T09:59:00.001-07:00

After much internet research and freaking out (I've never spent this much on anything but my wedding dress! I just don't spend more than $40 on any one article of clothing--and that has to be a coat) and debating and then wheeling and dealing on the phone with the company...

The boots are mine! Woot-wooooooooo!

Much love to the husband for paying for half...

Gotta love it

2008-08-06T11:52:00.000-07:00

I got my hospital bill for Alyssa and me this week. No details on it, just a "you owe us this" note.

So, of course, I call and ask for an itemized bill.

There was at least one treatment on there I'm pretty sure I didn't have. (They're saying they gave me oxytocin, which for starters, I didn't agree to and shouldn't have been given. I was already in active labor and my water had broken by the time I arrived at the hospital; there was no need for any chemical assistance to speed things along.)

Oh, and I was being charged $11.20 for every ibuprofen tablet I had post-partum. That's $22.40 every six to eight hours. Lovely. (I wonder what they would have charged me had I taken the Vicodin they kept offering. Hmmm...)

Knowing what I know now, I don't think I would have had as many visitors at the hospital, although I did really enjoy the ones who came. I think I should have been using that time to really recover and relax instead of "entertain." For me, labor basically meant two nights without sleep and then being woken up every three hours to try to force-feed Alyssa and have our vitals checked.

Next time, I might check out early. Next time, I probably won't need lactation consultations (but we'll see).

And I'm definitely bringing my own ibuprofen next time!

On my feet

2008-08-04T20:40:00.000-07:00

I've been buying a lot of shoes lately. Nothing over $10 or so (other than new running shoes), but still. Why? It appears I'm one of those women whose feet grow during pregnancy--not just swell, but actually grow. None of my old shoes fit me. I survived pregnancy in some cheap ballet flats (not the best thing in our climate, but...), thinking my feet would go back to normal, but so far it's not looking promising.

Not that I mind buying shoes. Heh. I found some cute mary janes at Goodwill, some purple patent pumps (mentioned previously) at Plato's Closet, some velvety and bejeweled crimson flats at Marshall's for $10, and a pair of $45 peep-toes marked down to $7.49 at one of those spectacular sales they have at Penney's (for Darren and Erika's wedding).

All of this saving is totally making me want to splurge on these babies:

Aren't they pretty?

I shall wear it with that Gap dress and a jean jacket and walk around the farmer's market with a big bunch of sunflowers (or peonies...I can't decide).

I will wear this necklace:

And these earrings (Ambika's etsy page and blog are gorgeous):

Wait, how did I go from Goodwill shoes to a $300 outfit? Ooops.

So funny

2008-08-01T10:42:00.001-07:00

You must go see this post.

I'm still trying to catch Alyssa's smile on camera. She's so cute!

It only took me two hours to do this post...

2008-07-31T10:57:00.000-07:00

J is in Chicago this week, and Alyssa and I miss him terribly. I feel kind of exhausted by baby care; I have no idea how single or military moms do it. I sort of feel like CV said in her last blog: I just want someone to save me!

Alyssa probably feels the same way. I know I can't keep her from all crying, but I wish I could. She seems to be one of those babies that needs to do a little fussing sometimes before she can nod off to sleep, at this point anyway. I just want to make sure she's not really actually in pain or in need. I like what Dr. Sears says about crying though: there's a big difference in being alone and crying and having someone hold you and comfort you while you cry. So I'm trying to do the latter.

I feel terrible when she cries herself to sleep though--a bathroom break and then an ill-timed phone call kept me from getting to her when she was bawling a few minutes ago and by the time I got to her, she was conked out. Poor little one.

Subject change: I had a frustrating experience yesterday at Plato's Closet, but I did come away with some gorgeous purple patent pumps for $6. Gotta love that.

None of the upcoming fall fashions are too exciting to me right now, but I've been very inspired to try to do more thrifting (when Alyssa will cooperate) by Missi and Vanessa's fashion blog. It's a ton of fun--go check it out!

A fun week

2008-07-27T20:51:00.000-07:00

J and I went on our first post-baby only-us date. It was so nice! We went to Red Lobster (insert your Project Runway jokes here) and to a movie (The Dark Knight--which was really, really dark). Mom watched Alyssa for us. I think we only called three times in a four hour time span. Heh.

Alyssa met her new best friend, Katelyn, this week. Katelyn's mommy is one of my oldest friends Heather's daughter. We've known each other since we were five, and we were in each other's weddings. Heather has given me so much good mommy advice, and when she visited me in the hospital after Alyssa was born, she had so much common sense and wisdom (particularly helpful since I was freaking out listening to the nurses tell me my baby was going to starve and get jaundiced)--I appreciate her so much.

Little Katelyn was born a few months before Alyssa. Isn't she cute?!

Alyssa's first M's game

2008-07-22T11:15:00.000-07:00

This weekend we took Alyssa to her first Mariner game. We were given suite tickets--it was amazing!

On Grandma's lap:

Kindness of strangers

2008-07-13T21:43:00.000-07:00

Yesterday someone left a big box of strawberries and raspberries on our porch along with a nice manicure set, with a note that said, "Something for everyone and something to make mom feel special. Congratulations!" No signature and no sign of the person when we got down to the door.

Wasn't that kind?

Once in a lullaby

2008-07-13T11:05:00.000-07:00

J is singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" along with Judy Garland to Alyssa. (Did you know that I'm distantly related to Judy Garland?)

Alyssa has started smiling big grins and occasionally giggling, especially at her dad.

Realization for the week: Everything that I freak out over this week will usually be a non-issue in about a month. I need to remind myself to chill out!

Observations and updates

2008-07-09T18:29:00.000-07:00

What's happening:

-Darren and Erika asked me to be in their wedding in September--such an honor. Here's the dress I'll be wearing in the color "honeydew," a pretty light green. These are the shoes I'm dreaming of, but they are too expensive:

I'll try to find a more affordable alternative.

-Jason has been sick this week so I've been practicing being a single parent. Boy. Tough stuff. He will be gone for several days on a business trip at the end of this month, and I know it's going to be hard. He finally broke down and just got out some rubber gloves and a mask at the tail end of his sickness (I'm pretty sure he wasn't contagious anymore, but still...):

-Have you ever noticed when trying to research a child health or development issue that the language is very black and white? Pacifiers are evil, evil things--or they help baby fulfill his need to suck and prevent SIDS. If you co-sleep, your kid will have sleep problems forever...or you are doing the best possible thing for your baby. If you give your kid a bottle of formula once a week, you are a terrible parent for not breastfeeding constantly (that's the one I'm struggling with most right now--it's hard for me to pump enough to leave her with her daddy for more than an hour or two to go to a doctor appointment or grocery shopping or to do something on my own--and I need alone time sometimes) in spite of the fact that millions of smart, healthy kids are fed formula every day.

-I really like Anthony Bourdain and thought I'd love Kitchen Confidential, but so far, it's been pretty boring.

-Alyssa turned one month old yesterday. Here's a few pictures of her, including the first one where she's wearing a really cute outfit from Aola:

My funny, contemplative girl:

A quiet moment

2008-06-29T15:36:00.000-07:00

I really should be taking a nap while the house is quiet, but I wanted to update my friends on how Alyssa is doing.

She is growing and becoming more awake and aware every day. Right now she's going through her first growth spurt and wanting to nurse more frequently. We've had a chance to nurse with the hooter hider at the park and even in the dressing room at Old Navy--we're becoming pros.

I have to say, I understand why many women give up on breastfeeding early on. The feeling of never being able to be away from home or be alone for longer than an hour or two is stifling and exhausting; not sleeping for more than a few hours at a time is a recipe for insanity. I keep getting tantalizing coupons and formula in the mail, and I seem to be one of those women who has searing pain instead of tingles or warmth during the let-down reflex. (No, not an infection or anything like that...apparently this is fairly common, and I'm hoping it will decrease with time.) But Alyssa makes most of her funniest and most animated faces before, during and after breastfeeding though--so I laugh a lot even when I'm wincing.

Parenthood has brought us some challenges, of course. And every "expert" gives different (sometimes the direct opposite) advice--down to the color her poop should be right now. Seriously.

Part of me loves the concepts of attachment parenting, and Alyssa would certainly be happy if I wore her and slept with her constantly. But the other part of me wants and needs to take a shower from time to time. (Apparently there are slings you can wear in the shower, but...) I'm afraid of her becoming the baby that never sleeps alone--I don't want her sleeping with us when she's eight years old. Some days this week, I had to let her "cry it out" just so I could go to the bathroom and put on some deoderant. I've never seen a baby go from sleeping peacefully to full-on rage in five minutes flat, but...well, that's my girl! I honestly don't know what's best at this point, but we're doing the best we can.

We've experienced the mortification of having our baby poop all over a friend. (Sorry, Missi!) We've learned how to strategically cover one side of my body so as to avoid showing the world a large wet spot (damn you, breast pads! damn you!). We've learned that the laundry never, ever ends.

I'm so glad I am doing this with J--I couldn't ask for a more understanding, kind person to be my husband and the father of my child. He is already proving to be a wonderful, involved, loving father. We are making a really good team.

More importantly, we've been reminded--we keep reminding ourselves--even in the most fussy, stressed-out moments, that every day, every minute, is a gift.

Sweet as can be

2008-06-23T11:50:00.001-07:00

Nothing profound to say, but every once in a while, it hits me I have a two-week-old daughter and it's amazing all over again.

If Alyssa doesn't have her hands on her face while she's sleeping (like her mom), she's stretched out with her arms over her head (like her dad). Her Uncle Darren and soon-to-be Aunt Erika got her this little onesie.